The Journal
by 1983Sunny
Summary: After moving to Seattle to have a fresh start, Ana finds a set of journals and is drawn to the double life of the young woman who wrote those journals. Wanting to write a book, Ana decides to unsolve the mystery of the disappearance of the woman who wrote the journals. Will she uncover more than she bargained for? And how does Christian Grey fit into all of it? Read and find out...
1. Chapter 1

_**Here we go again a new story while I still have four ongoing stories ... but this one is different, because I have already 10 chapters written. This means for now I will update every Saturday and once I have at least two of my other stories finished updates will be every Saturday and Wednesday. This story is inspired by "If I were you" by Lisa Renee Jones, though all characters will be from FSOG or new characters that I have created. The story is going to have three parts and is AU. Anastasia is very much OOC and Christian will seem very much the same as FSOG for part 1, but there are some things different about him that will be revealed later in part 2 and 3. Each part has about 15 to 20 chapters, so this is going to be a long story. For those of you who want to know if this story is going to have an HEA, well this time I can't reveal it before part 2 starts, as the first part will be a mystery... If you want me to continue, please let me know in the reviews...**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James and the storyline is inspired by If I were you from Lisa Renee Jones  
**_

_**Day 1 - The Journal**_

"Yes dad, I'm fine ... no the apartment is great, I love it ... yes, I call you back soon. Bye Dad, give mom a kiss for me." I hang up and flop down on my sofa staring out of the floor to ceiling windows of my new apartment in Seattle. I needed this change of scenery. I've lived in Chicago for all my life and now only 22 years old I needed a change of scenery, just something new. A fresh start. And of course I needed to get away from _**him**_. Peter Martin, my childhood best friend, high school sweetheart and fiancé, whom I caught fucking my best friend Elsa Wilkins just days before our wedding.

Only four months ago I had my life perfectly planned. I wanted to marry Peter, work as an editor at the publishing house that had just hired me fresh out of college. After a couple of years I wanted to have kids with Peter and be a stay at home mom. Now, all of that will never happened. I just needed to get out. I couldn't stand the way people were looking at me and of course see the pity in their eyes. It made me furious. I don't need anyones pity and I don't want to be known as Anastasia Steele, the girl who got betrayed by her fiancé and best friend. To make things worse Elsa got pregnant and Peter married her last month. That was when I decided I couldn't stay in Chicago any longer.

My grandparents lived near Seattle and I loved spending the summer with them as a child, so I decided that's where I am going to make a fresh start. Being the daughter of rich parents, I decided for the first time in my life to take advantage of it and pursue a dream I never dared to fulfil before. But instead of reading what over people have written, I decided to write a book myself. I always enjoyed writing as much as reading, so I will give it a try. My parents, only to eager to help me getting through this difficult time bought this apartment for me and gave me 5 million dollar out of the trust fund the set up for me to have once I've turned 25th and now I have enough money and time to come up with a good idea for my first book.

Today though I have a lot of unpacking to do. At least the apartment was sold already furnished and decorated, so I can spare all the furniture shopping. I look around all the boxes and decide to unpack my books first. An hour later the shelfs are filled with all of my favorite books and I have placed some pictures of my family and friends around the apartment. Next I unpack everything in the kitchen and use the shopping service of a nearby supermarket to get my groceries delivered. Usually I like to shop myself, but today I have so much to do, that I simply won't have the time to do it.

My last stop is my walk in closet and it takes me almost two hours to get everything in the right place. I look around and stare at the painting on the wall of my walk in closet. It looks out of place and it's ugly. I love the rest of the apartment, but this painting just doesn't sit right with me, so I take it off and frown. The wallpaper behind it looks like it isn't attached to the wall correctly. I touch it and it feels like there is a hole behind the wallpaper. I leave the closet to get a knife and as I cut into the wall paper and take it off, I reveal a deep round hole in the wall about the size of a watermelon and inside are three books. I get them out and sit down with them on the floor. As I open them I realise they are journals. I can't read them. Maybe they belong to the person who lived here previously and he or she forgot to take them when he or she moved out.

I sigh, I guess I have to return them somehow. So, I get up and leave my apartment, taking the elevator down to the lobby and walk over to the front desk.

"Hi, my name is Anastasia Steele, I moved in today. I found some things in my apartment that the previous owner must have left there, maybe you could help me out with a name or the new address of the former resident." I ask the man behind the front desk.

"I'm sorry Miss Steele, but I'm not allowed to give you that information. Maybe you can call the previous owner."

"Okay, thanks" I mutter get into the elevator and back up to the 20th floor where I live. I'm just about to unlock my door when the second elevator pings announcing someones arrival.

"Emma? Oh my god! Where were you I was worried sick!" A young woman says and as I turn around her mouth pops open.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Umm... I'm Kate Kavanagh, I live in 20B. Are you Emma's sister you look so much like her" the young blonde says and I frown.

"I'm sorry, I don't know an Emma. I moved in here today, but umm... did you say the woman who lived here before me is called Emma. I found some of her stuff and want to return it, do you have an address or phone number so I can contact her?"

She sighs and looks upset. "No, I wish I had. I'm worried about her."

Somehow, I'm curious now. "Do you want to come in? I would like to know more about Emma. Oh, sorry I forget to tell you my name. I'm Anastasia Steele."

"Nice to meet you. And yes I would like to come in." I lead her into my apartment and while she is looking around the livingroom I get us both a glass of chilled white wine.

"Thanks Anastasia. You know, this apartment looks exactly the same. It's weird seeing someone else live here."

"When have you last seen Emma?"

"Five months ago. We talked about going to the movies together one night and the next day she sent me an e-mail telling me that she decided to travel the world and that she has no idea if or when she will be back. It was weird, she never struck me as the kind of girl for adventures." she frowns saying that and looks deep in thoughts.

"Have you tried to contact her, sent her e-mails or something like that?"

"I tried to call her, but the phone is constantly switched off, I also tried to send her e-mails, but she never answered and about a month ago the e-mail I wanted to send her bounced back, so I guess she has deleted her account."

"What about family or a boyfriend?"

"She has no family, poor thing lost her parents and grandparents in a terrible accident when she was just three years old, she grew up in foster care since then and she didn't have a boyfriend. She was shy, but a lovely person. You really look very much alike. Wait, I have a picture of her, here" she gets her cellphone from her purse and shows me a picture.

Holy fuck! This girl could be my twin sister. She has my exact hair color, pale skin, a petite frame and even her clothes look like something that I would wear. The only big difference is that she has dark brown eyes while mine are powder blue.

"That is so weird, she could really be my sister. How old is she?"

"25, you?"

"22"

"Me too. So are you new in Seattle or are you from here?"

"I'm from Chicago, my grandparents lived here though, so I know Seattle." I tell her and take a sip from my wine.

"Well, if you need someone to hang out you know where I live just stop by when ever you feel like it. Do you have a job?"

"No, I'm doing kind of a sabbatical. Well, umm... I was supposed to marry right after graduating from college and caught my fiancé with my best friend days before our wedding. I tried to get over it in Chicago and started my job at a publishing house, but you know people talk and to top it all he got that bitch pregnant and now they are married. I just needed to get out and now I just need some time to myself."

"Oh wow, that sucks big time. What an asshole and bitch. I hope they end up being miserable. Fuck me, who needs enemies with people like this in his life"

"Yeah, tell me about" I mutter and take a huge sip of wine.

"Looking for a hot rebound guy?"

"Not exactly, do you have someone in mind?"

"Yup, the guy from 20C. He is hot as hell, a little mysterious, but you fit his type. He always looked at Emma as if he wanted to fuck her. His name is Matt Turner. Or you could try to seduce Seattle's most eligible bachelor Christian Grey. He lives in the penthouse on the 28th floor, though I think the guy is gay or celibate. Never seen with a date but sexy as fuck."

"I think I have to pass Kate, they both sound complicated and all I want right now is easy and fun. If I want to get laid I prefer the kind of guy who just leaves after a hot night and I never have to see him again. I did the boyfriend thing since 9th grade with my so-called fiancé and now I want to live and fuck, but no strings attached which means no one I can run into at any given chance."

"Well, I think you won't have any problems finding a guy like that. We should go clubbing sometime soon, I could need a good lay myself. I'm suffering from a nasty dry spell after some really bad lays."

"Deal, let's make a toast, to hot guys and uncomplicated, smoking hot sheets clawing sex and toe curling orgasms in our very near future" I raise my glass and we both laugh as we clink glasses.

Later that evening after Kate has left I cook dinner for myself, but my thoughts drift back to the journals, which are in my bedroom and the young woman who looks so much like me. Why did she leave Seattle without another word? I keep thinking about this and when I'm in bed I can't stop myself any longer. I know I shouldn't do this, read the journal of a stranger, but I feel drawn to this woman, so I take all the journals look at the dates and decide to start with the oldest of them, which was written a little more than a year ago.

_I did it. Today, I have signed the contract with Sir. I will only refer to him as Sir, knowing he wouldn't like it if I would write his name down, even if no one would ever read this journal. I know Master wouldn't like it either if I would write his name down. Oh, I hope I'm doing the right thing. A good submissive has to obey her Master in everything, but my Master can't see me all the time and I have needs that need daily sessions. So I went behind his back and found Sir. Who would have thought that I would find two dominants in the same building. Now I like the fact that Master insisted that I move to Escala._

_I always thought this place was to upscale for me. I am a sales clerk at Wal-Mart for heaven's sake and now I am living in one of the most expensive buildings in Seattle and dress in clothes I could only dream about just a couple of months ago. I know I will lose all of it, my apartment, my clothes, the car, just everything if Master finds out about Sir or vice versa. I'm playing with fire, which ironically is one of my hard limits. As a submissive my body is my capital, I can't afford to allow Sir or Master to do anything to me that will leave permanent marks._

_Also from now on I have to be more careful about receiving punishments, the marks of a spanking will fade over night, but a caning or whipping usually takes up to three or four days to completely fade, so I have to avoid this now. I can't let Master or Sir see marks someone else has left on me or I will lose one of them and I need them to take care of me and fulfil my deepest darkest need to be dominated and humiliated. Most subs take the humiliation as part of the scene, but I enjoy it. Not sure why and I don't want to dwell on it, but I like it. Maybe because no one would think that I enjoy it, well most people don't notice me at all anyway and it's a thrill for me to have this secret just knowing that I have experienced more sexual adventures as most people do in a lifetime in just a few years gives me the biggest kick._

_When I first heard of the lifestyle I thought being a submissive would completely debase me, but I couldn't stay away from it, I was too intrigued to just leave. Instead I found a club called "**Black Satin**" became a member and trained as a submissive for almost a year until I signed my contract with Master. Being a submissive allowed me to finally be myself, by giving up control I gained control, I learned more over my body and the sensual pleasure and pain I can endure as I ever thought possible._

_Still I felt empty, because I couldn't be a fulltime submissive. I told Master that I wanted to live TPE 24/7, but though I think he was tempted he simply has not the time to make it happen. So I found Sir and his schedule and Masters schedule allow me to be dominated every day. A little part of me hopes that Master will find out, that he will get jealous and give me what I need solely so I won't need Sir for long. I know I shouldn't, but I know that I have fallen for Master. But I know it's a lost cause. He doesn't do love and still, this little part of me has hope that he will love me one day, not only my submissive alter ego, but all of me. I want him to love me, Emma Mitchell and if he does I will make it my life's mission to please him for the rest of our lives..._

Oh my God! I can't even describe how I feel about this. This so far from everything I know, but at the same time I find myself drawn to this woman and her life like I have never been drawn to anything else in my life before. For the next two hours I keep reading through her journal and with every page I am more intrigued about her lifestyle and Emma Mitchell herself. And as I try to find sleep I decide to find out what has happened to her and I know that there are two persons in this building who might have all the answers I want. I need to find out who Master and Sir are...

So, if you like this story please leave a review and let me you what you think so far...

Sunny


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites and follows :-) ... Many guesses about Christian's role in all of this, but you have to wait and see ... I also have a pinterest for this story the link is on my profile page... one more thing, some of you were worried about reading a story without HEA for Ana and Christian. As this is a mystery I can't give away if there is going to be a HEA here in my A/N, but if you don't want to wait until the end of part 1 to find out, send me a pm and I will answer if this story has an HEA or not...  
**_

_**Day 2 - The Journal  
**_  
While I had breakfast this morning I kept thinking about Emma and her journal. If I want to get to the bottom of this I need to find Master and Sir. My first clue is that Master wanted Emma to live here. So either he paid the rent for her or he owned the apartment, before my parents bought it for me. I called my parents this morning and found out that this apartment was owned previously by Christian Grey. I told my mom I've found some things that belong to the previous resident and she gave me the phone number of Christian Grey.

I left my apartment right after I had the number and went shopping. I have bought an old looking wooden box, some jewelry and other things that looked used, but personal enough that it would make sense to return it to the owner. Once back home I sit down with a glass of wine and dial his number. He picks up after the second ring.

"Grey" _wow he has a sexy voice._

"Mister Grey, this is Anastasia Steele speaking. My parents bought the apartment at Escala from you."

"Which one, I have recently sold three of them."

"Oh, 20A."

"Are there any problems with the apartment Miss Steele?"

"No, everything is fine, though I have found a box with jewelry and other things in my walk in closet. I guess the former resident must have forgotten to take it with her, so I thought you might know how I can contact Miss Mitchell."

"I'm not in contact with her, why don't you come up to my penthouse tonight, say 6:30 pm and we can discuss this. I have a meeting now."

"Yes that would be perfect, Mister Grey."

"Good" he answers clipped and hangs up. Well, looks like I will meet the elusive Mister Grey tonight.

For the rest of the day I stay home trying to find more information about Emma online. What I could find is not really helping me to figure out where she is. Just an online yearbook of her old highschool and not even one article about the car accident which left her as an orphan. How sad must it be to lose your entire family in one single day leaving you all alone in this world at the age of three. From what I could see in her old highschool yearbook she is a bright girl, left highschool with perfect grades, but apparently never went to college.

As I stare at her picture on my computer I will her to give me any clues about what has happened to her and why she would leave in such a hurry, leaving her journals behind. If they were important enough to her to keep them hidden, then why would she leave them here? Especially seeing what she has written down. I would never leave something like that behind, I would be worried sick that someone would find them. So why didn't she return to get them and if she has left to travel the world, would she have taken all her other belongings with her? Even if she didn't have much, surely it would be too much to take with her on a long journey. Maybe she has a storage unit? I take a notepad and start to write some things down and as I do an idea forms in my head.

Maybe this is it, the idea for my first book. Solve a mystery and write it down as a journal. Like a real crime novel, of course I would have to change the names and make it more dramatic, but yes, this is what I'm going to do. I will find Emma Mitchell and her story will be the background for my first novel.

At a quarter to six I take a shower, blow dry my long chestnut colored hair and pick an outfit for my meeting with Mister Grey. I dress in a tight fitting black dress which shows off my curves, but isn't to revealing otherwise. I match it with black high heel boots a long silver necklace and to complete the look I pick my favorite black and pink plaid coat to wear. I put my hair in one thick braid, use a little mascara and take the box and my purse to leave my apartment. In the elevator I press the button for the penthouse and after a few seconds the red little light next to the button switches to green and the elevator rides up to the 28th floor and opens to reveal a beautiful vestibule. There is a large table in the middle with has bouquet of white lilies on it and hanging on the walls are several paintings of Madonnas. It is kind of eery, but I step out of the elevator and a tall guy, maybe in his mid-thirties, dressed in a sharp black suit with white shirt, black tie and black shinning leather shoes steps into my line of sight.

"Miss Steele, I'm Jason Taylor, Mister Grey's head of security. Please follow me."

"Pleasure to meet you Mister Taylor" I say with a smile but his face remains expressionless.

"Just Taylor, Ma'am" he says and leads me through the double doors into an enormous living area. While I follow him I look at the white walls, white furniture and expensive artwork on the walls and can't help but think that while all is super modern, it also lacks a female touch. This place is more like an art gallery than an actual home.

"Miss Steele is here, Sir" Taylor announces and I look over to the kitchen, where a tall, very well build man gets up from one of the bar stools. As he turns around to face me I have to fight the urge to stare open-mouthed at the man in front of me and the only thing that comes to my mind is complete male perfection.

He is tall, my guess would be at least 6'3, muscular, but too bulky. He is bare foot, dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. His dark copper-colored hair is a little over long and unruly, but oh so sexy. Though it isn't until I see his stormy gray eyes and those luscious lips that my breath catches in my throat. As I continue to look at this sex god in front of me a part of Emma's journal comes to my mind.

_... My hands are tied over my head to the grit in his dungeon. Sir is walking around me. I can hear his bare feet touching the hardwood floor as he slowly walks around me, so close and yet so far. His smell is alluring, a toxic mix of his male dominance, sex and bodywash, teasing me to get closer, but I can't. I want to touch him, but I'm tied up helpless to Sir's will. As his fingers slowly slide along the curves of my behind I shiver in anticipation. I want more, I want him inside me. I want all of him but this is his game and I'm a slave to his will, helpless and aroused by his slow sensual seduction and he knows how good he is at it...  
_  
"Miss Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Christian Grey, please have a seat. I assume these are Miss Mitchell's belongings?" his voice pulls me back to the now and I look straight into his amazing eyes and deep inside it feels like a part of me I was never aware of has awakened, a part that wants to be dominated by this man, wants to experience the things that Emma has experienced.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, too Mister Grey and yes this is the box I was talking about." I hand it to him and sit down at the breakfast bar. He inspects the contents of the box without giving anything away and places it on the far end of the breakfast bar as he sits down too.

"Have you had dinner yet Miss Steele, if not I would like it very much if you would join me for dinner" he says his voice all husky and seductive. Deep down I know I should say no, but I'm seduced by his voice alone and I need answers if I want to find out what has happened to Emma.

"I haven't had dinner yet, so yes I would like to join you for dinner." I give him a shy smile, knowing that if this man is a dominant I can't be to bold with him or he will end this dinner soon and I will never be able to get more information out of him.

"Very good, would you like a glass of wine?"

"That would be lovely."

"Barossa Valley Shiraz fine with you, Miss Steele?" he asks with a slight grin on his face and for some reason this makes me blush.

"That's one of my favorites" I answer and scold myself inwardly because my voice sounds all breathy. _Jesus, get a grip Steele!  
_  
"Gail, wine please" he says and only then do I notice the woman who is cooking in the kitchen. She is in her late thirties, very pretty and blonde.

As she places the wine in front of us Mister Grey tells her that I am staying for dinner and I take a sip of my wine, trying to calm my nervous. Something about Mister Grey makes me feel like an inexperienced schoolgirl again.

"So Miss Steele, if I remember it correctly your parents are from Chicago, why did you decide to move to Seattle." _Oh here we go again, I decide to go for honesty. _

"I needed a change of scenery, I caught my fiancé cheating on me just days before our wedding with my best friend and now they are married with a baby on the way. I couldn't stand the pity in everyone's eyes and seeing who my father is it also made the local news and I was the number one gossip topic for the local high society, I just needed to get out and my grandparents lived in Bellevue, I've spent many summers here, so I thought Seattle is a good place to find to myself again. I've quit my job and came to Seattle just to have some time to myself."

"I'm sorry to hear this Miss Steele, were you in a relationship with your ex fiancé for a long time?"

"We grew up together, were best friends all of our childhood and started to date in 9th grade dated all through highschool and he proposed at our last year of U of C"

"I can see that you needed a change of scenery surely Chicago holds a lot of now painful memories for you. Do you have plans to apply for work here?"

"Not for now, I just want some time for myself. I was raised to be independent, so I have worked all through highschool and college and never asked my parents for anything. After what happened they understood that I needed a break and offered to buy me an apartment and give me part of my trust fond, so I could just relax for a while and figure out what I want to do now."

He seems intrigued and strokes his index finger over his bottom lip as he contemplates his next question. "So even though your parents are rich you never asked them for anything?"

"No, you see most rich kids think just because their parents are rich it means that they are rich too. This is not how I see it. My parents came from normal working families and my father worked hard to make a name for himself and get to where he is now, that is what I want to do, too. If I need something I want to be able to afford it myself. As soon as I was old enough to get a job besides school I found one and paid for my cell phone bills, my clothes, I paid for my first car and my books in college. I think this is how it should be, there are enough spoiled brats out there, I don't want to be one of them. I won't deny that on occasions like birthdays or christmas my parents like to spoil me, but then again I am their only child and they have worked hard to be able to afford what ever they like, so if they want to spoil me a little on special occasions I appreciate it and be thankful."

"I really like your view on this, Miss Steele. But if you at some point decide that you want to work, please do not hesitate and call me. As you probably know I have a lot of influence and connections here in Seattle and most of the US. It would be my pleasure to help you out."

"Thank you Mister Grey, I'll keep that in mind." I smile again, though I'm not sure what he can do for me. As far as I know his company is working in the field of telecommunications and I want to work in publishing. Plus, he might be one of the protagonists in the book that I'm going to write.

"In which field did you work, Miss Steele?"

"I was an assistant editor, for a local publishing house in Chicago. I've studied british literature at the University of Chicago, Mister Grey."

"Impressive, I assume you like a good book."

"Yes, actually there is not a day that goes by where I am not reading at least one chapter of a book." Shit, I need to get this conversation back to Emma, he is quizzing me about my entire life and if I don't start to ask questions myself I will leave here with no new details about Emma.

As his housekeeper serves us dinner I think about how to start and decide to just go for it.

"So, about Miss Mitchell, she rented the apartment from you right?"

"Yes, she moved in right after I have bought the apartment in january of 2010 and she moved out about 5 months ago I guess. She was actually the reason why I finally decided to sell the place again."

"Oh, why so?"

"We had a rental agreement over two years and she lived there little over a year and just disappeared. She didn't even call me and just moved out. I only noticed that she was gone because she didn't pay her rent in may. I don't appreciate this kind of behavior and I decided I don't need the apartments anymore if this is what I have to deal with." He looks really displeased saying this almost as if there is more behind his words.

"Did you know her well?"

"No, I have only met her a couple of times, though I have to say your resemblance to her is quite uncanny. Is she a relative of yours?"

"No, though I have to agree with you. I have met Miss Kavanagh who lives in 20B and at first she thought that I was Miss Mitchell. She showed me a picture of Miss Mitchell and yes, we look very much alike."

"Well, I do hope you won't disappear too." he says and somehow this gives me the chills.

"I'm not planning on it. I was just wondering, hasn't she left any address for her mail or something like that?"

"No, not that I am aware of. You have to ask the front desk about that."

"I did yesterday, when I've found the box, but the man behind the desk told me he can't give me the information and that I should talk to you."

"Well, in this case I am truly sorry that I couldn't be more helpful Miss Steele." he answers and I just give him a smile and continue my meal. Christian Grey was a dead-end, though I am not entirely convinced that he really didn't know her like he just told me. There is something about him that has me wondering if he could be either Sir or Master. So, he is now officially one of my suspects. And after the dinner, when I'm back at my apartment I do a little research about Christian Grey.

He was never seen with a date or any other woman than his mother or sister at functions and galas. Maybe he has a different lifestyle. If he is into BDSM he might not want to bring his sub to such an event or introduce her to his family. He is known for being a very private person, so this could very well be the reason for his no dates in public thing. Yes, I most definitely need to find a reason to spend more time with Christian Grey...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Day 3 - The Journal**_

After meeting Christian Grey yesterday, today I want to find out more about Emma. After doing some research I have found out that she worked as a sales clerk at a Wal-Mart in Bellevue, so this is where I am going today. I need to do some grocery shopping anyway and this way I can do a little more research.

Arriving at the Wal-Mart I grab a cart and make my way in. As I put the things I need into my cart I look around for someone who works here and see a young woman putting some cans of dogfood into a shelf.

"Excuse me?" I say and the moment she looks at me her eyes grow wide and I know that she knows Emma.

"How can I help you Ma'am?"

"Umm... this may sound odd, but I'm looking for someone. A young woman who used to worked here. Her name is Emma Mitchell."

The girl puts the last can into the shelf and smiles. "Are you her sister, you look just like her."

"No, I don't have a sister. I live in the apartment she used to live in and found some of her belongings. I thought maybe someone here remembers her or is still in touch with her."

"Look, my boss is over there so I can't really talk, but I knew Emma. I have my lunch break in 30 minutes. There is a small deli across the street. Meet me there." she says and I nod.

"Okay, I'll wait there for you. Thanks."

I finish my grocery shopping, pay and put the bags in my car before I find the deli the girl has talk about and look for a free table. I sit down and order something to drink and a salad while I wait for the young woman who comes in 10 minutes later. Orders her food and smiles at me.

"Sorry, it's just so weird to see you. You look so much like her, except for your eyes. Emma and I were good friends, until she just left."

"Has she contacted you after she has left?"

"Only once, I've sent her an e-mail because I was worried and she replied telling me not to worry. You know Emma has no family and I guess she just wanted a fresh start, see what this world has in store for her. Though it was a little odd that she just left. They day before she left Seattle she told me that she wanted to move out of Escala and she was constantly looking around as if she feared that she was followed. I even went to the police after she left, but they told me she is an adult and if she wanted to leave town and not get in touch with anyone it was her choice. I guess, maybe she left because she met a guy who really creeped her out. Some stalker or something like that."

"Has she ever mentioned a boyfriend?"

"No, she wasn't like that, very shy you know. Though she never wanted to go out, so I figured she was seeing someone and just wanted to keep it to her. After all she seemed to have an awful lot of money all of a sudden. One day she was dressed in _Old Navy _and drove a death trap of a car and they next day she showed up at worked driving a brand new _Audi_, was dressed in designer clothes and had moved to Escala and I can assure you that Wal-Mart does not pay enough to afford a lifestyle like that."

"Yes, I didn't think so." I murmur. This is so strange, who ever Master was really spoiled her yet he wouldn't want her in his life in any permanent way, this is why she had signed the contract with Sir, who, as Emma wrote also spoiled her with clothes and money. Of course, she couldn't tell anyone about either of her Doms, but why did she leave both of them? I want to believe that she just went away to travel the world, but everything inside me tells me that there is more to the story and I want to uncover this secret.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't help you, but that's all that I know" the girl says and I thank her. I drive back home and park in the garage of Escala, where I get my grocery bags out of the car and take the elevator upstairs. Just as the doors are about to close a tall man comes in with me and as he looks at me his eyes widen and he pales. Okay, he knew Emma too.

"Are you alright?" I ask and he takes a deep breath.

"Yes, I'm sorry you just reminded me of someone I used to know." He says as he ties his shoulder length black hair into a ponytail.

"Let me guess, Emma Mitchell." I smirk.

"You know her?"

"No, I moved into her old apartment yesterday and my neighbor thought I was her. She showed me a picture of her, so that's why I guessed that the person I remind you of is Miss Mitchell."

"Ahh, so you have met Kate. I'm Matt Turner I live in 20C."

"Nice to meet you Mister Turner. I'm Anastasia Steele." we shake hands and I really don't like the way he looks at me, but again he might know something about Emma.

"Are you new in town?"

"Yes, I moved here from Chicago. My parents still live there, but my grandparents lived in Bellevue, so I know the town."

"I see, well I was just about to make me some lunch. Would you like to join me?"

"Oh, I already had lunch, but I would like to keep you company if you want me to, I just need to bring my grocery into my kitchen."

"Sure, just knock, oh and please, call me Matt." he says and strolls out of the elevator as it stops on our floor. I watch him as I walk towards my apartment door. He is good-looking, not Christian Grey good-looking, but definitely a guy women notice. Tall, tanned with inky black hair and twinkling green eyes. He looks every inch like a bad boy, every father's worst nightmare, if their daughter was to date him, though for some reason he does nothing for me. Maybe because his looks are so similar to Peter's.

I get into my apartment, take my jacket off and put my groceries away before I leave my apartment again and knock at Matt's door.

"Hey, come in Anastasia" he says with a smile and I follow him inside. Our apartments have the same floor plan, so I follow him into the open living space and look around. All the wall are painted black and have black and white photographs on them. Mostly still lives, but there is a set of picture that intrigues me. I step closer and look at the arrangement of photos which are all super close-ups. Each shows a different body part; a hand, a thigh, toes, lips, an eyebrow, a nose, a bended knee, the curve of a waist, an ankle, the small of a back, a shoulder. All arranged in a circle around the center piece which is the super close up of an eye with long dark lashes. It's fascinating, but at the same time a little eery.

"I'm a photographer, you like my pictures?" I hear Matt's voice and nearly jump out of my skin.

"Yes, they are really good. Is this your thing, body parts in super close ups?"

He smiles and comes closer. "I like to keep the identity of my models a secret, I usually do places and still lives, but sometimes when I see a woman and see something really special about her, I want to take a picture of it. Your ear for example, it's perfect, maybe one day I will take a picture of it." he says in a seductive tone that doesn't turn me on, but sends chills down my spine. Though I smile at him.

"Maybe, wait, does that mean these are all different woman?"

"Yes, like I said, all I need is this one perfect shot of the part of their bodies that has me the most intrigued and I will never forget about them."

"That's interesting, so Matt tell me, did you know Emma well?"

"No, not that well, we met a couple of times in the hall way. She was a nice girl, a little shy though."

"And Kate, what about her?"

"She is trouble. Rich parents and likes to party a lot. Thinks she is the female Carl Bernstein, in reality her daddy got her the job at the Seattle Times and all she does is making coffee and getting lunch for the real reporters. You should stay clear of her, she will get you into trouble." he says and though he makes it sound like a friendly advise there is an undercurrent to his voice that makes me think it is more of an order.

"I see, well I thought she was nice enough, but maybe you are right. I guess time will tell."

He nods. "I guess, do you like art, Anastasia?"

"I like to look at it, but I'm not an expert when it comes to art."

"My new exhibition starts next Thursday. If you are free I would love it if you could come. I can give you an invitation, it is for hand-picked guests only."

"Wow, yes I would love to see your exhibition." _and get to know you better, so I can either rule out that you are Master or Sir, or find out which one you are, but I'm so not going to tell you this.  
_  
"Perfect, I'll give you the invitation tonight, after I have stopped by the gallery." he says and for the rest of the time I spend in his apartment he goes on and on about his passion for photography while I act like I care when in reality I'm bored to death.

Later that day after a long hot bath, I spend the rest of the evening researching about Matt Turner, Kate Kavanagh and Christian Grey. Matt Turned out to be the most interesting of those three.

He comes from money. His parents died in a fire shortly after he turned 20 and left him with all they had, making him a multi millionaire. He dropped out of college where he had studied law, to pursue a career as photographer and does well for himself. Another interesting part is that he has lived in 12 different states in the last 10 years and he is rumored to be a heartbreaker all over the country. For the last 2 years he has lived in Seattle, so I guess he either has settled down or maybe there is another reason why he has moved so often. For now he is number one on my suspects list of being either Sir or Master.

After finishing my research for today I get into my bed and read more of Emma's journal. The more I read the more intrigued and drawn I become to this dark yet sexy lifestyle. I need to do more research about this and I fall asleep reading Emma's journal

_... Today I had my first scene with Sir. I was nervous. It is always a thrill to have the first session with a new Dom. But it was different with Sir. Where Master is cold and demanding, Sir was gentle and teasing. Making me want him just by sharing the same space with me. It felt like his presence was surrounding me and even when he flogged me hard, he did it so precisely that the pain and pleasure collided in the most delicious way. He marked me as his like no other Dom has ever done before , without actually leaving any mark on my body._

_For being as young as Sir is, he really knows what he is doing. Master likes to improvise which I love, but have to be honest. Sir had planned this step by step and it was amazing. He was in so much control, allowing me to completely submit and giving us both the greatest pleasure._

_If only I wouldn't feel so guilty for betraying both Master and Sir, but both do not share and I have my own needs. I'm all alone in this world and only by being dominated every day I don't feel alone. In these precious moments I feel loved and cared for, something I have been missing my entire life. If I thought that I wanted Master to find out, I now know I never want him to know. I want to belong to both Sir and Master forever..._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Early update :-) I decided to post chapter 4 today as it ends with a cliffhanger and I don't want to make all of you wait an entire week the new chapter... Another thing, if you are reading any of my other stories you know that it usually takes up to 20 chapters until the lemons start... well not in this story because this chapter has a lemon. I know that in reality what leads up to the lemon is not how it would happen, but since this is fiction, let's just assume it does **_

_**Another thing Elena is not going to make an appearance in this story, she will be mentioned, but not before part 2 of the story and only in flashbacks...**_

_**Day 4 - The Journal **_

I have spent all of today holed up in my apartment researching BDSM. To say that I am intrigued would be an understatement. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I have never read something more sexy and at the same time scary in all my life. From my experience with Peter I know that I like a little pain inflicted during sex or foreplay. Like getting my ass spanked while being fucked doggy style or getting wax poured on my nipples. Of course BDSM is more extreme, but there are limits and rules.

_Just do it Ana_. A small voice in my head coaxes me and I can't stop myself any longer. From my research I know that the BDSM club Emma visited is not far away and though it is a private club I want to go and see if this for me. I get up and walk into my closet to pick an outfit. In the end I pick black lace panties and a matching bra, a short black lace dress, black silk stockings which I attach to my garterbelt and black skyscraper heels. I leave my long hair open so it falls in silky waves all the way down to my hips and use just a little mascara and nude lip gloss. Before I get the chance to over think this I put my coat on take my purse and leave my apartment.

I keep telling myself that this will just be research for my book and maybe I will find someone who knew Emma. Though deep inside I know that I want to experience what she has experienced. As I arrive outside the Black Satin I just stare at the building. It looks like a normal building, well what was I expecting; people covered in leather from head to toe and a gang bang on the parking lot? I shake my head annoyed with myself, because one I have no idea how to get in and two, I have no idea if I actually find to courage to really do this.

"New?" I turn around when I hear the voice of a woman saying this and find myself in front of a very elegantly dressed woman with long red hair.

"I umm ... I don't know" I stutter.

"Ahh, so you are a newbie or just curious and want to know if BDSM is for you" she laughs and I nod embarrassed.

"Well, it's your lucky day, I'm Faith. I own the Black Satin do you want to talk inside and don't worry no one is going to do anything unless you ask for it." she asks and I nod again and follow her inside and into an office in the back of the club.

"Sit" she says and without thinking I plant my butt on the nearest chair.

"Looks like you can be submissive if you want to" Faith chuckles and sits down to facing me.

"So, before we talk any further I need to see your driver's license. You look young and I am not going to show you anything if you are not at least 21 which is the age minimum for anyone who wants to become a member of my club.

"Okay, sure" I murmur get my ID and show it to her.

"Good, Anastasia, hmm I like the name. So tell me first, do you prefer men or women?"

"Men."

"And you want to become a submissive?"

"I ... I'm not sure. I did a lot of research in the last days and I'm intrigued by it, but I'm not sure if it is for me."

"Have you ever done anything that is even remotely kinky before?"

"Well, nothing extreme, just a little bit of spanking, candle wax, being blindfolded or tied up, things like that."

"That's a start. If you have done research have you thought about your own hard limits." she takes a notepad and a pen while I think about it all the things I have done research on in the last days.

"No bloodplay or fireplay, no fisting of any kind. No urination or defecation or anything that has to do with that kind of stuff. No animals or kids involved and nothing that has to do with using a taser on me or something like that and no breath control."

"I see, well you definitely have done your research. What about punishment like whipping or caning?"

"I have no terms of reference for that, I'm sure it won't be pleasant, but I wouldn't put it as a hard limit without trying it, though again not to the point where I end up needing medical attention or leave with permanent marks on my body."

"Good, so I have one very important questions, do you want to be a submissive or a slave?"

"Submissive, I don't think that I would be able to live with a set of rules all day every day, but I would very much enjoy it to be sexually submissive and give up control to someone else."

She looks at me for a while as if she is deep in thoughts and finally speaks up. "You know Anastasia, I think I know someone who could be a good first Master for you. I'm not sure if he would be interested in training a newbie, but I could give him a call and see if he wants to meet you." This is it, am I going to do this or not?

"Okay" I answer before I my inner coward takes over and she leaves the room for about five minutes and returns.

"Are you on birth control Anastasia?"

"Yes, the pill, I also have a clean bill of health with me."

"Okay, so I talked to the Dom I had in mind for you and he is interested though under one condition."

"What does he want?"

"He wants a test session, here tonight. The thing is the guy is very private and he doesn't want you to know who he is until he decides if he wants to take you on as his new sub or not. So, it would go like this. I will show you one of the dungeons here, you will undress until you are only in your panties and I'm going to blindfold you. He won't talk to you so you have to trust everything that he is doing to you. You will have safe words and I have already told him your hard limits which he will not cross. So, you want to try or not?"

"Yes" Faith smiles hearing my answer and leaves the room again. Oh man, I am going to have sex with a total stranger tonight and I feel butterflies in my stomach and though I'm nervous I am aroused at the same time.

When she returns she leads me into a dungeon with blood-red walls. There is a bed with satin sheets, a spanking horse, a cross, and something that looks like a throne. In one corner is a huge wooden table and attached to the wall are all sorts of kinky implements and chains. I don't know why, but something about this room really turns me on.

"Here use this hair tie, you should braid your hair so it won't get caught in anything." I quickly do it and undress until I'm only in my panties.

"What are your safe words, Anastasia. I need to know them, so I can give them to your Master."

I know I can either choose my own safe words or use red and yellow. Red and yellow, I don't know if I will remember that, I need something that I will remember no matter what.

"White wine to signal that I'm about to reach my limits and books to signal that I want the scene to stop." I say confidently and Faith smiles.

"White wine and books it is. Don't ever forget those, they are your safety net. Something like this is unusual enough, we don't want anything to happen because you forgot your safe words.

"I won't."

"Good, a few tips to make this easier for you. As there will be no talking he will probably use your braid or arm to direct you through the room. If he grabs your arm sharply or tugs hard on your braid it means to stop what ever you are doing at the moment, most likely. He will give me some rules for you to follow and I will tell them to you when I come in to blindfold you. Once the scene is over he will leave the dungeon and talk to me, you can take the blindfold off once he leaves and then wait for me."

"Okay" I murmur and Faith leaves me in there. I explore a little looking at different sex toys, floggers, whips and canes. I don't think that I want to be caned, but I won't dismiss it without trying. Who knows maybe I really enjoy pain?

I try to see this as an adventure, after all I wanted no strings attached, so what could be less strings attached than to fuck with a complete stranger whom I can't even see, because I will be blindfolded. Shit, why does the thought make me wet? Okay, I admit it, having sex with a complete stranger was always a fantasy of mine.

"He is here" I turn around to Faith who is now holding an eyemask and a some papers in her hand and I walk over to the door.

"Your Master wants to know if you insist on condoms. He will wear one if you want him to, but since you are clean and on birth control he would like to have you without a condom. Here is his bill of health." I look at it and check for a name but it's obliterated with a black marker pen.

"Oh, about that I'm allergic to latex, so since he is clean I'm fine with it. Just if he wants to use toys on me nothing made of latex please or else I will get a nasty looking rash where ever it has touched me."

"I will tell him and don't worry, I know your Master is religious about his health."

"Good, I'm too, and I'm religious about taking my pill, so we should be fine."

"Okay, here is what he wants from you. You are not allowed to talk or make any sound. If you how ever at some point do make any noise he will spank you. He knows you are a newbie so he will start slowly, no canes, whips or belt today, this is something to work up to. The second rule is that you are not allowed to orgasm until he gives you the signal that you are allowed to do so. The signal is he will take the nipple clamps that he is going to put on you off. If you fail and orgasm before you are allowed there will be punishment, he will spank you with a paddle 6 times every time you fail to hold back your orgasm. If he spanks you with the paddle you are allowed to talk, but only in so far that you have to count each strike and thank him."

"Thank him?"

"Yes, you count like this. One, thank you Sir. Two, thank you Sir. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay, tell me what I have told you."

"I am not allowed to make any noise or he will spank me with his hand. I am not allowed to climax until he takes the nipple clamps he is going to put on me off. If I come I he will spank me with a paddle six times, I have to count and thank him for it."

"Very good. What are your safe words Anastasia?"

"White wine and books."

"Good. Kneel by the door, sit back on your heels and spread your legs a little, rest your arms on your legs, palms up. Do you know why the palms must be up, Anastasia?"

"Yes, it indicates that I am willing to participate in the scene and willing to have sex."

"Right, so don't forget your safe words and first and foremost, enjoy this. I will be with you once your Master has left the dungeon." Faith puts the mask over my eyes and I can't see a thing.

I hear her leave and take a couple deep breaths trying to calm my nerves and then the door opens. This is it, now I'm going to find out if I can be submissive or not.

I hear naked feet pat over the wooden floor and some of the drawers open and close. I can hear my heart pumping and I don't think I was ever that nervous and aroused at the same time. I hear the foot steps come closer and stop right in front of me. A large hand grabs mine and pulls me to my feet. I stay still and he walks around me slowly before I feel him kneel down right behind me and he slowly pulls my panties down and I step out of them.

I hear him walk around the room again and after some clicking music fills the room and I have to bite my lower lip to stop myself from giggling. Really, out of all the songs he could have picked he is playing _**Closer by 9 Inch Nails**_. For some reason his choice of music makes me relax instantly. The guy is playing with me. _Well, let's see what you got, big boy!  
_  
About two minutes later I find myself tied spread eagle to the bed and he is licking and sucking my nipple, pulling and twisting the other one between his index finger and thumb. Oh shit, I should have told Faith to tell him that my nipples are a hot wire to my pussy which means I can orgasm from this alone. But I somehow manage to keep it together without making any sound and when he attaches the nipple clamps to me I have to bite my lips to stop myself from moaning. They sting, but at the same time it is really hot. He moves between my legs and rubs my clit while pushing something that feels like small balls inside me, hmm that feels good.

I feel him get of the bed and then I feel the soft strands of what must be a flogger gliding over my skin making me shiver in anticipation of what is to come. One second they are gone and the next the hit my left arm, then my right followed by the insides of my thighs, my belly and then my pussy. He repeats the pattern over and over and though it stings, it also arouses me makes me needy and especially when ever the flogger hits my pussy it gets really hard not to moan loudly.

Finally I hear the flogger drop and the mattress shifts telling me that he is on the bed again. He lifts my head and puts it on a pillow, so my head is a little elevated and his thumb pushes my lower lip down, so I open my mouth. I feel him kneel over my chest and next he slowly inserts his cock into my mouth.

Wow, he is huge and I have to open my mouth as wide as I can to allow him to thrust into my mouth while I lick and suck his erection. Hmm, he tastes good fresh and a little salty I muse while I suck on his dick and I wish I could show him my special talent, which is no gag reflex at all, but in this position and with him cupping my head with both hands I can't take him in further as he wants me to.

While he keeps fucking my mouth he lets go of my head and I hear a faint clicking noise before the balls he pushed into me start to vibrate. _Really dude? Are you crazy to do that while I have your dick in my mouth and make me fight my orgasm now? Well, you better hope I won't forget not to grit my teeth or you might lose some inches of that big cock. _I think as I try to focus on sucking him off, not reaching orgasm and not biting his dick off at the same time.

As the sensation between my legs becomes too much to manage I try to close my legs and squirm, but I can't I'm tied up. He pulls his dick out my mouth and before I know what is happening he pulls the balls out of me and rams his cock into my pussy. I grind my head into the pillow somehow managing not to scream in pleasure feeling him deep inside me. Okay, now I believe it, size does matter. Peter was more on the short side, making it hard for me to reach orgasm through penetration alone, but this guy ... holy hell I could orgasm right about now if I was allowed to. Instead I have to fight it while he fucks me so hard I want to scream and moan in pleasure, but I can't.

Oh god, how am I supposed to stop my orgasm if he keeps fucking me like this. I can't ... oh fuck, I try to think of something else anything to keep my mind busy, but it doesn't help all I can think off is the heavenly feeling of being fucked hard by a guy who really knows how to fuck. And then it is too late. I reach my climax with a scream. I hear him growl and feel him jerk inside me as he finds his own release and for a moment I really wish that I could wrap my arms and legs around him to hold him close, but of course, I can't.

Once I have calmed down from my orgasm and my breathing is normal again I feel him remove my restraints and he pulls me to my feet, leads me through the room and ... oh shit, puts me on the spanking horse. Before I have the time to react he cuffs my wrists and ankles to it and I'm helpless with my ass on display for him. Fuck, not only did I come, but also I screamed, so this means he will spank me with his hand and the paddle. Inside I brace myself for the first blow, but it doesn't come. Instead he softly caresses my ass and lets his finger glide over my rosebud. Oh no, the guy is huge, if he fucks my ass I doubt there is enough lube in this entire club to safe my butthole from being ripped apart.

His thumb starts to circle my clit and I feel him squirt lube on me and then he pushes one finger into my rosebud. Oh, this feels good. He starts to stretch me until he has two fingers inside me and when he pulls them out I expect him to thrust his cock into my behind, but instead I feel something cool pressing against me and he carefully inserts a buttplug inside me. I never had one of those inside me, but I like it, it feels very full, but not uncomfortable. Once it is fully inside me he starts to rub my butt cheeks again and suddenly his hand is gone and lands in a sharp slap on my ass. Ouch, that hurts! But at the same time the buttplug shifts inside me making me want to moan, but I resist. He developes a patters left cheek, rub. Right cheek, rub and the middle hitting the plug and my pussy. I like the ones that hit my middle the best. He hits me 20 times in total and rubs my ass for a while spreading the pain and pleasure. Fuck, I never thought this could be this erotic, but I'm so turned on I want him to fuck me now, I don't even care if he takes my ass or pussy just as long as he fucks me again. But I know my punishment is not finished.

I hear him move through the room again and I know he is getting a paddle. I hope he picks one of the leather ones and not the big wooden one I saw hanging on the wall. So, when he rubs the paddle against my ass and I feel the cool leather I want to sigh in relief, but stop myself. No need to give him more reason to spank my now sore ass.

Just in time I remember that I now have to count each smack on my ass. But when he hits me hard with the paddle I'm shocked. It hurts like hell, but to my shock ... I like it. A sharp tug on my braid reminds me to count.

"One, thank you, Sir" I say and he let's go of my braid. I count every strike until I reach six and my ass is on fire. Not sure I could have taken a lot more of this, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I also thought that it would be humiliating to thank him for hitting me, but in a weird way, it felt right. He is my Master, he wants me to learn and this is his way of teaching me not to fail, because he wants me to be a good submissive. I feel safe and cared for and ecstatic that I could take this to please him. That's crazy, I don't know the guy, but I want to please him. I want him to want me as his submissive, I want to know that I can please him, that I can be everything he wants me to be even if I am new at this.

While I'm still thinking about this I didn't even notice that he has uncuffed my wrists and pulls me up so I'm sitting on the horse. With one hand he grabs both my wrists and holds them behind my back. With the other hand he takes of the nipple clamps and I gasp. Ouch, that hurts really badly, but he soothes the pain, but sucking first on one and then the other nipple making the pain ease quickly. Wait, yes! That means I'm allowed to come, well provided he is going to fuck me again, but seeing that I still have the plug in my butt, I don't think we are done. Gently, he pushes me down again, cuffs my wrists and walks around the horse until he is behind me. I hear something click and hum and he presses a vibrator against my clit.

I move against it and roll my hips and he gives me a slap against the thigh and I know he wants me to keep still. I really try it, but it feels so good and I just move, but when I do he takes the vibrator away. I want to groan, but restrain myself and then I get what I really need and he thrusts his cock into my dripping wet pussy. I hear him moan in pleasure and that only fuels my pleasure. Knowing that he finds pleasure in me gives me the biggest kick, because ever since Peter cheated on me I kept thinking it must have been fault, if I could have pleased him in bed he wouldn't had to go to someone else to fullfil his needs. So, now I need to know that I can be everything this stranger needs to fullfil his needs. And the second he pulls the plug out of my butt we both reach our climax at same time I feel so ecstatic and relieved I have tears falling down mine my face.

For the next few minutes I have no idea what is happening to me, I feel like I am flying which has never happened to me. Shit, can one get high on sex? Because I'm sure I am. When I finally come down again I'm no longer cuffed to the horse but in the bed lying on my belly and the Dom is rubbing some lotion or I don't know spanked ass ointment into my butt cheeks and it feels really good cool and soothing. Once he is finished he rubs my wrists and ankles and leans other me to press a soft kiss against my temple. He gets of the bed and I hear him move around the room and then the door opens and closes and I know I am alone.

I just lie there. Thinking about what has just happened and I know, if this man wants me then I want him too.

"Anastasia, you can take the mask off." I hear Faith's voice and stretch in the bed before I take the mask off.

"Well well, I think we have a natural here. If I didn't know better I would say you went to subspace"

"I didn't go anywhere" I murmur and Faith laughs.

"Sub space, simply said it's when you are high on sex sweetheart."

"Oh, that's what has happened. Wow, that never happened to me before."

"If this was what happened, then I think you really are a true submissive. Your Master was very pleased with you. He wants to train you Anastasia. Come, I show you where you can take a shower and dress again, then you can meet him and the two of you can talk about the details." she says hands me a robe and leads me to a private bathroom were I take a nice hot shower and dress again.

Back in her office I wait for my soon to be Master to come in while I look at the pictures on the wall.

"Anastasia, I must say, I never expected you to be a submissive, but I am very much looking forward to train you." I hear a deep voice behind me and freeze.

Oh. My. God. I know this voice. It is ...

_**Next update on Saturday... so what do you think is it Christian or Matt or maybe someone else? If you have the time please leave a review :-)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys :-) Thank you so much for all of your reviews and messages! Just a few things I need to say. This chapter includes the discussion of a contract, I did not write the contract down, as the chapter would have been too long with the whole thing written down. Another thing, I want all of you to keep in mind while reading this chapter is that every main character of this story like Kate, Christian and some others are either out of character, have a twist to their character or a hidden agenda that won't be revealed until later in the story, so if some things doesn't seem to be in common with the original characters take it as clues. **_

_**I had a guest reviewer who left a spoiler alert saying that there won't be a HEA for Ana and Christian in this story... Well, all of you who have pm'd me to find out already know if this is true or not, but it had me thinking that there are surely some guests who want to know, too. Since my guest readers can't send me a pm, if you want to know if there is going to be a HEA please go to my story Fifty Shades of Healing Together and read the authors note for chapter 7, this should give you a clue wheather there is a HEA or not...**_

_**And last I am going to give all of you a little spoiler ;-) You haven't met all the important characters to figure this story out just yet... **_

_**Still Day 4 - The Journal  
**_

_Back in her office I wait for my soon to be Master to come in while I look at the pictures on the wall. _

_"Anastasia, I must say, I never expected you to be a submissive, but I am very much looking forward to train you." I hear a deep voice behind me and freeze._

Oh. My. God. I know this voice. It is... _**Christian Grey!**_

I turn around to make sure I'm not mistaken and sure enough I am facing the Adonis that is Christian Grey and I can see the amusement on his face about my shocked expression.

"Why don't we take this conversation to a more private place. Come!" I don't say a word and just take my purse and follow him out of the club where he leads me to a black Audi SUV.

"My car ... "

"Give me the keys Anastasia. I'll have someone drive it back to Escala for you." Again I just reach for the keys in my purse and hand them to him. _Shit, what am I, his puppet?  
_  
I get into the back of the car with him while Taylor is driving us back to Escala. I don't say a word. I need to think this through. Now I know that Christian Grey is one of the men Emma was with while she lived at Escala. So he is either Sir or Master. I'm already on the second journal and I know that Master started to scare Emma by becoming to controlling and borderline abusive. Fuck, what if it is him, what if I just made a pact with the devil and one day soon I will just vanish into thin air like Emma did. But what if he is Sir, the one who Emma started to like more and more? And if I chicken out now I know Christian Grey will never talk to me again.

No, I have to do this and more so, I want to this. It's dark, dangerous and sinfully sexy. I have always lived a rather boring live, I have never taken any risks in my life and now at 22 I want to take this risks. At least I know that I might be in danger with him, so I will always keep that in mind. Besides as his submissive I will be allowed to spend time at his penthouse and maybe I will have some time to myself, which I can use to investigate. If Emma was his submissive there might be some clues at his penthouse and I am going to find them.

Arriving at his penthouse he leads me into his study, leaves for a moment and returns with two glasses of white wine.

"Thank you" I murmur as he hands me one of them.

"Before we start this conversation, I need you to sign this." he says and hands me some papers. I read what turns out to be an NDA and frown as he holds out a pen to me.  
"Anastasia I didn't want to go there, but I have taken pictures of you while you were tied to the bed. If you don't sign the NDA and decide to talk about what has happened tonight I will release those photos to the public starting with your parents."

I look at him and can't help but smile. "With all due respect, but my parents are already aware of the fact that I had sex before and I didn't frown because I don't want to sign the NDA. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever told you before that this NDA is worth shit." I say looking him straight in the eye and to my surprise he smirks.

"I'm fully aware of the fact that if you or one of my former submissives wanted to out me in public it is immaterial if I force them through court because they signed the NDA. This is about trust Anastasia. I need to know that you are willing to keep my secret, just as I will never expose to anyone that you are in the lifestyle. And we both know that you could sign this, expose me, pay the fine and never look back, but if you sign this it is my sign that you are willing to keep my secret. So the question now is can I trust you or have I made a huge mistake tonight?"

Shit, in a way if I write a book about Emma, I will expose him. Of course I will change his name, but I know he can't trust me, because I have an ulterior motive to become his submissive. But I push this thoughts aside, take the pen from him and sign the NDA. I need him to trust me and maybe then he will open up about Emma and I will figure out if he is Master or Sir.

"Good" he says takes his phone from his jeans pocket and shows me two pictures of me tied to the bed in the dungeon and deletes them.

"So Anastasia, I want you to read this contract. It will tell you exactly what you can expect if you decide to become my submissive. After you have read it, we will discuss it. Tonight we will have an open discussion. I like to do this with all my new submissives. You may call me Christian and tell me what ever you have on your mind and ask me every question you have. After you have signed the contract however, I expect you to behave like a submissive. You will call me Mister Grey or Sir, if you please me very much I may allow you to call me Master. If at any point during the term of our contract you have things you need to discuss with me you may request an open discussion. I expect you to be open with me. This is all new to you and so you will have questions at some point, don't try to hide them. I want to help you to become a proper submissive. If you feel you can't discuss something with me or need a female perspective I can arrange for you to meet one of my former submissives or you can meet with Faith, but I want you to tell me if you do."

"Okay." I nod as I take the contract from him and start to read it. After reading the first few paragraphs I look up at him.

"Umm... would you mind if I make notes, because this is so much I might forget to ask you something." I ask and he hands me a pen so I can make notes on the contract.

An hour later I have read the whole thing and I sure as hell have some questions.

"Do you have any questions?" Christian asks and I take a sip of my wine.  
"Yes, okay here, point 9. Obey you in all things. Does this refer to the times I spent with you or the complete term of the contract, even at times I am not here. Because if it means all the time you should change the word Submissive to Slave and I am out of here."

"I am talking about the times you are going to spend here at my penthouse. But, if I find out that you smoke, do drugs and spend most of your free time drunk out of your mind I will punish you for it. I expect you to know your own limits and not put yourself at risk. And of course, if you decide to spend your free time by fucking around I will end the contract immediately. But if you spend your free time hanging out with friends, in the mall or do what ever a normal young woman does in her every day life this is none of my business. I want you to be happy, so I am not going to dictate what you are doing when you are not with me."

He looks sincere and I nod. Okay, obey him while I am here, yes I can do that.

"Good. So, point 11, three months. What if after a month or two I figure out that this is not my thing?"

"Then we end the contract. It's very simple Anastasia. You are here because you want to be here. I will never force myself on you. If you want to end the contract we end it, but I want you to be clear about the fact that if we end the contract that's it. There is no going back and we will have no more contact at all. I'm very clear about this Anastasia, I care for my submissives, but I don't do love so if we end our contract that means we are not going to have any more contact. During our relationship we will meet only here. I don't do dates, so if you are looking for a boyfriend I am not the right Dom for you."

"Christian I did the love thing since I was a young girl and I ended up being betrayed by two persons I thought of as the closest persons in my life and I was publicly humiliated by them. The last thing I want is a new boyfriend, so don't worry I am not going to fall in love with you or expect you to go all hearts and flowers on me, actually it would freak me out if you did."

"So we are clear on this. Go on."

"Okay, point 12. Only the weekends. What if I have to go home to visit my parents for a weekend or I don't know want to go out on the weekend?"

"If you want to go out with friends or want to visit your parents I am not going to stop you, but you have to give me an evening during the week if something like this occurs. Also there will be times when I have to go to a function or I have to go on a business trip, so we have to work the time we spend together around our schedules."

"Okay and umm I don't do period sex I forgot to put that as a hard limit, but only thinking of it really freaks me out."

"Does that mean no sexual activities at all when you are on your period or simply no vaginal penetration."

"No vaginal penetration."

I watch him starting to take notes and he smirks at me. "Well, that will give us plenty of other things we can do, besides it is not exactly high on my favorites list, too." he says and winks at me making me giggle. "Just give me a heads up when you are on your period especially when you are having cramps. I won't play hard with you when you are not feeling well."

"Okay, so here, 15.2. Use me sexually or otherwise. What does or otherwise mean?"

"It means that as long as you are in here your body is mine to do with as I see fit."

"But what does that mean, give me some kind of example where you will use my body in a not sexual manner."

He rubs his chin thinking about this and then looks at me intensely. "Imagine this. You might come to my apartment one friday evening and I still have some work to do. But to get you into the mood and get me into the mood I will ask you come into my study and undress. I will make you lay down on my desk and decorate your naked body with some grapes and cheese. You will not be allowed to move on bit, because I would have to punish you if you would disturb my work and while I would do my work I would enjoy to occasionally eat a grape or some cheese off of you. And after I have finished my work and my snack I will sent you to your room to wait for further instructions. There will be no fucking involved in this particular scene, just me using your body as I see fit." he says and damn, that sounds so hot.

"Okay, I'm fine with that, but I have a big problem with 15.5"

"Anastasia, the punishment is part of the deal. How am I supposed to train you to be a proper submissive if you don't allow me to punish you. Besides you did very well in our scene tonight."

Shit, I know my face is a flame hearing him say that, but that's not my point. "No, look I do understand that you have to punish me if I fuck up and that's okay. It's the last part I don't understand. What does it mean that I agree for you to punishing for any other reason and you don't even have to tell me why I am being punished. That's just mean and basically means even if I stick to all of your rules and obey you in all things I end up being punished, that's not okay with me Christian."

"Yes, I can see your point and seeing that you are completely new to all of this I will erase this last point from the contract and give you my word that when and if I am going to punish you, I will tell you exactly where you have failed or why I want to punish you."

"Thank you Christian. It's just, I want to learn and understand this lifestyle and this for any other reason part sounded too much like me ending up as your human punching bag."

Hearing me say this his mouth pops open. "Anastasia, this is not what BDSM is about. Otherwise it would just be a nicer way to describe an abusive relationship, which has nothing to do with BDSM at all. Look I like to be in control, I need it and I enjoy it very much to have control over the women I am with. I want to take care of you, but at the same time I will do what ever I feel is necessary to discipline you so you will learn to be what I want you to be. But, I will never use you as a human punching bag. I will always honor your hard limits and I will never take you further than you can take. I know there are many Doms and subs who enjoy to give and receive severe bruising and even scars, but I am not. If I punish you depending on the extent of your punishment you won't even feel it the next day or end up being uncomfortable to sit for a day or two, but that's as far as I go. I never had a submissive leave this apartment black and blue nor will this ever be the case. And you have safe words, if you feel like you can't take anymore or don't trust me to stop before you have reached your limits I want you to use them. Communication is very important in our lifestyle Anastasia, just as much as trust."

"Well, trust is not exactly one of my strengths at the moment, but I want to make this work, so I will try."

"This is all I can ask for at this point Anastasia, so anything else."

"Oh, there is a lot more, okay, let's see yes here 15.7 and 15.12 about the implements and toys you will use on me. As you know I'm allergic to latex, so I would appreciate it if you could make sure that nothing that is going to touch my skin in any form has latex in it because otherwise I will get a really nasty looking rash."

"I have already put that to my notes and will make sure that all toys and implements used on your body will contain no latex. Your safety and health are important to me Anastasia, I won't do anything to put you at risk."

"Thank you and umm ... from the contract I understand that I am to be exclusive to you but does this count for you, too? Because if you have other subs or one night stands ..." he holds one hand up to stop me and I stop to talk.

"I'm monogamous with my subs. As long as you keep me happy and satisfied there is no need for me to fuck someone else. Occasionally I like to just have a quickie or fuck you in your room or anywhere else in the apartment without creating a scene for it, but I don't make love Anastasia, I fuck ... hard. So, to answer your question, we are going to be exclusive for the term of the contract and any extension of the contract we may agree on."

"That's good, because I'd rather you tell me that I suck at it and get the hell out, than to arrive here and see another woman leaving, that's a deal breaker for me."

"Understandable, but it won't happen. What else do you want to talk about."

"First, I really like 15.10 and that it's written down, because loaning me to another Dom would be completely unacceptable. Then there is 15.18, what if I do disagree with a punishment?"

"As you are new we will discuss why you are being punished, but Anastasia if you try to weasel your way out of every punishment, let me tell you now it won't work. I want you to be a good submissive and in order for you to get there I have to be strict with you."

"As long as you we do talk about it, okay, I can live with that. But what is it with 15.19 I mean if I touch myself you won't even know."

"You are right, I won't know, but I'm asking you not to it. As my submissive you want to please me and it will give me great pleasure to know that I'm the only one who gives you pleasure."

"I can try, well then my issue with 15.20, you know the part about me eagerly participating in all sexual acts you see fit, isn't a problem anymore, because if I'm not allowed to touch myself during the week I will be so horny by the weekend that I can't see straight."

He starts to laugh. "That's the idea Anastasia."

"Yeah, well the whole safe word thing, I would like to keep my safe words, red and yellow seem so random."

"White wine and books, accepted. Safe words should be personal so if you feel better with them I will revise the contract and change the safewords."

"Good, so the rules. I haven't slept 8 hours since I was a small kid. If I sleep long than it is 7 hours but usually I need 6 hours, I don't even need an alarm clock because I just wake up after six hours, so not sure how I can change that."

"We can agree on six hours if that is what you need."

"Perfect, so the food list, that's a deal breaker Christian. You can dictate how I fuck, but not what I eat. I eat healthy and I haven't skipped a meal in years, so you don't have to worry that I'm on some crazy diet or won't eat, but eating from a prescribed list is not going to happen."

"I have issues with food Anastasia, I need to know you are not hungry. If you promise me to eat three times a day we can try this, but if you fail to do so and I notice it, there will be a punishment and you will stick to the food list."

"Deal, I can live with that. So, the clothes. If you want to buy me clothes that I wear while I'm here, that's okay with me, but I have a walk in closet at my apartment that is more than full, so I actually don't need more clothes."

"You can wear your clothes in your free time, when you are here I will lay out what I want you to wear and you will not question my choice. Agreed?"

"Yes, that's fine with me. Next would be exercises. I run three miles every other day, I go to the gym everyday except for Sundays, I swim laps 7 days a week and I want to enroll in a pole dance class and do hot yoga. I would like to meet your personal trainer to see if I can improve my exercise, but I would hate to cut back to an hour on four days a weeks. If I don't do exercises every day of the week I feel restless and of course, since I never did a diet in my life I would probably gain weight if I would cut back my exercises and I like to be fit."

"You don't have to cut back, I like you fit and with stamina, you will need it to keep up with me. I will arrange for you to meet my personal trainer and you can talk about ways to improve your exercising."

"Thank you, so about the beauty salon. If you want me groomed in a certain way I understand that this is so I fit your standards and preferences, but please don't tell them to cut my hair. It took me years to get it this long and I look really terrible with short hair."

"Don't worry, I happen to like women with long hair and yours is simply stunning Anastasia. I would even go so far as to say that I would punish you if you would cut it more than 2 or 3 inches."

"Good, okay, last I'm okay with all those sexual acts, though no fisting of any kind."

"Hard limit, I know. But now I have a question. You told Faith that you are okay with anal intercourse, yet when I touched your anus you tensed up as if you were scared. Have you done any form of analplay before tonight or not?"

Again I feel that damned blush on my face and I can't even look at him. "I had anal sex before with my ex-fiancé, but I didn't really enjoy it and when you touched me... there, I thought you wanted to claim my ass and umm ... you are really big and I was afraid it was going to hurt badly." I murmur not even capable of looking at him and he gently lifts my chin with his finger so I have to look at him.

"Has that bastard prepared you before he entered you?"

"He used lube, but it hurt anyway." I answer and he looks mad.

"Anastasia, that guy had no idea what he was doing. Anal intercourse needs careful preparation, you can't just go for it. I can promise you now, that I won't just lube my dick up and go for it if we are going to have anal sex. I want you to enjoy it and you will, so I won't claim your ass before I'm not sure that you can take all of me."

"We'll see, so next would be the intensity of pain I'm willing to endure. I'm not sure about that, because I have no terms of reference other than what you did to me tonight. So, when you spanked me with the paddle, which number was it?"

I hope he is not going to say one, because I think then I know that I won't be able to take a whipping or caning.

"When I paddled you tonight I didn't hold back, because I needed you to know how hard it can get, so I would say it was a 3 maybe even 4. A punishment with a belt, cane or whip will be more intense, but we will work up to it. Maybe we leave the intensity open for now and you can decide after you have experienced more. And if we do work up to canes and belts and you decide it is too much for you, you can always put it as a hard limit."

"I think that is a good idea, so last on my list are genital clamps and biting. I would try the clamps once, but I'm nervous about it. If I don't like it can I put it as a hard limit?"

"Yes, of course. You are new to this lifestyle Anastasia. So it will take some time for you to figure out all of your soft and hard limits. I will help you and guide you to figure all of it out and as for biting, I assume you are worried about scars and bloody wounds on your body, but this is not what I am going to do, like I told you before, I don't like to leave bruises on my subs and biting until you bleed would also mean a risk to your health, let me show you." he says seductively and pinches my left nipple through the thin layers of my dress and bra. When it is hard he leans forward and bites down on my nipple over the layers of clothes and pulls on it. It hurts a little, but it also sends a wave of heat all the way down to my core.

He let's go and smiles "You see, this is what is meant by biting, do you want it as hard or soft limit Anastasia?"

"Soft limit" I whisper and scowl at him as he smirks at me. "You know Anastasia, I think our relationship will be rather interesting, because I can already tell that you will have a hard time to be submissive an entire weekend."

For some reason this comment really hurts me and I know he knows when he sees my face fall.

"Shit, I'm sorry Anastasia, I didn't mean it like that. I was just teasing you, if I would think for one second that you are not able to fulfil my needs you wouldn't be here now. You pleased me very much tonight and I know you will continue to do so in the future. Come, I need to show you some things and it is going to be late. I will have the revised contract ready by tomorrow. Be here at lunchtime so you can sign it and then I will start with your training." He holds his hand out to me and I take it and follow him upstairs.

Upstairs he opens a door and I gasp and turn around to him. "You have your own dungeon?" I know from Emma's journal that both Master and Sir have a lot of toys and implements, but I thought by playroom she was referring to their bedrooms.

"Yes, but I like to call it my playroom." I nod and look around, the smell of citrus polish, wood and leather is very alluring and I also notice that this room is a little different from the dungeon we were in earlier. It is more intimate, of course it holds a lot of scary implements, but for some reason it also has a romantic look to it.

"It will be your job to put everything back in its place after we had a session, I will show you how to clean the toys once, after that I expect you to do it without me having to remind you, understand?"

"Yes"

"Good, now your room." he leads me out of the playroom and into a bedroom.

"This will be your room for the weekends. You can decorate as you wish. I don't share my bed with my subs, so you will sleep here alone. And I guess I should warn you now, I'm suffering from night terrors, sometimes you will hear me scream in the middle of the night, but you don't have to worry about me. Do not come into my bedroom, if you do I will punish you."

"Okay, I won't." I would like to ask him what his nightmares are about, but it feels to personal to ask and he doesn't seem to want to elaborate any more information on this subject, so I let it go.

"Good, I guess with this everything is covered, just two more questions. Can you cook?"

"Yes, it's one of my hobbies."

"That is good. My housekeeper has the weekends off, so it will be your job to cook for us. If you want to cook something special just leave a list with the items you need on sunday and Mrs. Jones will make sure that everything will be here."

I nod and he continues. "Last I need to know is what car you are driving. I usually provide my subs with a new car and a monthly allowance, but seeing that you have money it won't be necessary, so all I need to know is what car you are driving."

"A VW New Beetle in pink"

"Oh fuck me, that is your car? I saw it in the garage. Jesus, even looking at it for too long would give me a headache, well at least it is a safe car. I guess you want to keep it?"

"I love this car. I'm not really a girly girl, but I saw it and knew it was mine, to be honest I would be quite upset if I wasn't allowed to drive it anymore."

"I'm not going to stop you from driving it, like I said it is a very safe car and that is what matters to me, if you were to drive some old deathtrap I would buy you a new car, but as it is all is fine."

"Good" I say and stifle a yawn.

"You need to go to bed Anastasia, come" he takes my hand again leads me downstairs, I get my purse from his study and he leads me to the elevator.

"Taylor!" he snaps and Taylor comes into the vestibule. "Yes, Sir?"

"Is Miss Steele's car back in the parking garage?"

"Yes, Sir" he says and hands me the keys.

"Thank you, Taylor"

"Your welcome, Ma'am" he says nods at Christian and goes back into the direction where he came from.

"So, Miss Steele, I will see you tomorrow at lunchtime and don't forget after you have signed the contract I expect you to behave like a good sub. Seeing that I am your first Dom I will give you one warning for each transgression, if you do it again, there will be punishment, understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?" he snaps.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good girl, now go to your apartment and get some sleep. Tomorrow you will be mine and only mine" he whispers into my ear and though it sounds holy sexy, it also seems a little creepy knowing that he might be responsible for Emma's disappearing.

"Good night, Sir" I whisper keeping my gaze down and get into the elevator. As the doors close I lean against the wall. _Oh what have I gotten myself into now?  
_  
As the elevator stops at my floor I get out just when Matt comes out of his apartment.

"Hi Anastasia, had a good night?" he asksme with a wink.

"Yes, exhausting though, I need to go to bed like an hour ago. Sorry, we talk another time, okay?"

"Sure, one day soon I have you all to myself and we can have a long talk" he says grinning and that really creeps me out big time.

"Yeah, maybe, bye." I get into my apartment quickly and lock the door. Fuck, this guy is creepy. If he is Master or Sir, I really don't understand what Emma saw in him. Yes Matt is good-looking, but he has the strangest vibe surrounding him.

On my way to my bedroom I shake my shoes off and leave a trail of clothes behind me until I reach my bed, flop down on it naked, get under my duvet and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, dreaming about dungeons, scary neighbors and Christian Grey, my new Master. _Oh my!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Day 5 - The Journal **_

When I woke up this morning I realised something. Christian only sees his subs on the weekends, which means if I check the dates in the journal, I can figure out if he is Master or Sir. So, I jumped out of bed and spend an hour checking the journals only to end up being bitterly disappointed. Other than the first entries of each journal, there are no dates and only 3 or 4 week days mentioned. Fuck! I tried to figured it out anyway but it was impossible.

She signed her contract with Sir on a Monday, but there are also entries where she sees Sir on a Saturday and Master on a weekday and vice versa. I also tried to keep track of the days on which the entries were made, but she skips days and starts entries just saying that _'it's been a while' _or _'I haven't had the time to write for a couple of days' _so I just can't find a way to make a proper timeline for all her entries. This is so annoying. But then I found an entry in the third journal, which I haven't read yet and it really worried me.

_... Master is starting to scare me. At first he told me I was free to do what ever I wanted to do in the time I wouldn't be with him. But now he is getting more and more possessive. I feel like he is following my every move. I think he suspects that I am seeing another man. Sir, left some bruises on me and he saw them. I told Master that I fell, but I don't think he believed it._

_Yesterday, I had some cocktails with Faith and he called me to ask me how many cocktails I was planning to have after having had three already. I looked out of the window of the bar and sure enough I saw his car on the other side of the street. The scary part is that I have never told him that I would meet Faith there, she said we could go there. So he must have been following me. It's like he knows where I am all the time._

_Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm getting paranoid because I know I am playing both Sir and Master for my needs, but I'm afraid of what Master will do to me when he finds out. He isn't the man he was when I became his submissive anymore. He was so nice, willing to compromise so our arrangement would work for both of us. Now he gets angry at the slightest irritation and I'm seriously considering to end the contract with him. That would leave me with Sir. I like Sir a lot, though the longer I am his submissive the more do I realise that I am not really attracted to him._

_Yes, Sir is very good-looking, but for some reason I just don't feel it. To be honest, and here in my writing is the only place where I can be completely honest, it almost feels forbidden to be with Sir. At first it was the thrill of having a new Dom, but now being with him feels like being with a brother. Oh my god, I'm ashamed to even write this, but somehow I feel that he is feeling it too, like we are not supposed to have a physical relationship. He hasn't fucked me in three weeks, he tried a lot of suspension with me, which is how I got those bruises, but there was no fucking involved. It's like now, we have reached a silent agreement that the sex just doesn't work for us and we are both waiting for the other one to say it out loud._

_I wish I could talk to Faith about it, but she knows both Master and Sir and she would not approve of me having two Doms without them knowing it. She is the only person who knows about me being in the lifestyle, she is like a mother to me and I'm too afraid she will send me away if I confess to her._

_I hope I'm just imagining that Master is becoming somewhat of a creepy stalker, I need him, I need both him and Sir..._

This entry has me really worried, because now I think that Christian is Master and from what I have read so far, I believe that it was Master who has something to do with Emma's disappearance. Her last journal entry didn't give anything away that she was trying to leave, instead it said, _'I'm going to tell Master the truth, tonight' _and why did she hide the journals the way she did? Maybe so that if someone would move in here and find them would try to find out what has happened to her, maybe she knew that something bad was about to happen and that was her way of making sure that someone would know about it?

I read the entry again and think about my conversation with Christian from yesterday. It fits, he told me that I could use my free time as I see fit and he was very willing to compromise. He also told me he doesn't like to leave bruises on his subs. And Sir left bruises on Emma, so either Christian is Sir and left the bruises on her by accident or Sir is someone else, most likely Matt. But after reading that Sir hadn't fucked Emma in three weeks I just can't picture him as Christian anymore.

For some reason, even with all his rules and that he told me he needs control, I got the impression that Christian really only is in it for the sex. I can't imagine him having a submissive and not fucking her for three weeks. Shit, this guy has sex in his DNA, so maybe he really is Master and I'm about to allow a psychopath with potential stalker tendencies to tie me up in his kinky torture chamber. Still, I don't want to believe that Christian is the reason why Emma disappeared or maybe is dead with her body hidden somewhere where it will never be found. I only know Christian so little, but I feel like I can really trust him. Damn, this is getting me nowhere, I need more information, but I can't ask Faith directly about Emma. She will probably figure out why I came to the _**Black Satin **_in the first place and will warn Christian. Heck, maybe they are all in it together.

Hah, now I'm sounding paranoid too. I look at my watch and gasp. Fuck, I have to be at Christian's penthouse in 15 minutes and I'm still in my pj's! I run into my bathroom stripping on my way to the shower and shower in less than 5 minutes. Another five minutes later I am dressed in jeans, ballet flats, a mint colored t-shirt with matching scarf and a grey cardigan. My hair is pulled up in a messy bun and I take my purse and leave the apartment.

"Hi Anastasia!" Oh fuck, it's Kate and I'm in a hurry. I turn, around and smile at her.

"Hi Kate, sorry I'm in a hurry, but I wanted to meet with you, how about we have cocktails tomorrow evening?" I ask her.

"Sure, I know a good place. I'll be ready by 7 pm."

"Perfect, see you" I wave and press the call button for the elevator as she goes into her apartment.

I press the button for the penthouse and a minute later I'm there, looking at my watch, I'm right on time, phew. Crisis or more likely spanked ass, averted.

"Miss Steele, please follow me." Taylor says and I give him a smile.

"Hello Taylor" I follow him into great room, where like the first time I saw him Christian is sitting at the breakfast bar, this time he is dressed in a black jeans and a white shirt. Jesus Christ, this guy looks better every time I see him. I'm getting wet just looking at him.

"Anastasia" he says with a smirk and raises one eyebrow as he takes in my outfit. "Christ, you look so young dressed like this. Are you sure you are 22, right now you look more like a teenager"

"Yes, well, I know it's kind of annoying that I look so young, but on the plus side I won't need botox or plastic surgery for a long while."

"I like it, it makes you look so innocent" he says and after spending the morning picturing him as a potential killer, this really does sound creepy. But I remind myself that I can't come across as if I don't trust him. So, I just smile and he motions for me to sit down.

"I thought we could have lunch together, after that you can read the revised contract and sign it, once you have signed it I expect you to behave as expected from a submissive. So enjoy this lunch because it is your last chance to say what ever you want" he winks at me and I can't help but smile and sit down with him while Mrs. Jones fixes lunch for us.

"So, as today is Sunday I wanted to start your training today, but I had a change of plans, my grandparents made a surprise visit, so I have to go to Bellevue and meet with them. This means your training will start next friday. I expect you here at 7 o'clock sharp."

"Okay, I'll be here."

"Good, so do you have any plans for the week?"

"Not much, I'm meeting with my neighbor Kate for cocktails tomorrow evening and next Thursday I'm invited to a gallery opening."

"Oh, which artist?"

"Matt Turner, he is a photographer and lives in 20C." as I say these words I look at Christian and he looks pissed.

"Do you know him well?"

"No, I've met him once, asked him about Miss Mitchell. I thought as her neighbor he might have her new address, you know so I could return the box to her, but no such luck. I saw some of his photographs and he asked me if I wanted to go to the opening of his exhibition."

"Be carefull with the guy, Anastasia."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because he is a guy and you are a very beautiful young woman, and of course, I do not share. You are mine, Anastasia and I take this seriously, if you fuck around our contract is over before it has started."

"Christian, I am taking this serious,too. If I wanted to fuck around I wouldn't be here. And if at one point I decide that this lifestyle isn't for me or I meet someone else I want to be with, I will talk to you first and end the contract. And I trust you to do the same."

"Very good, so what else are you going to do this week?"

"Not sure, I don't have anything planned as of now, oh, but I guess I will meet your personal trainer."

"Yes, he will contact you via e-mail around Monday or Tuesday to schedule an appointment. Oh and Mrs. Jones needs the list if you are going to cook something special this weekend."

This gives me an idea. "Have you ever had german food?"

"Well if sauerkraut counts than yes, though I'm not a fan of it."

"My grandma is from germany and she taught me all of her recipes. I could cook you a german dinner, but Mrs. Jones doesn't have to buy anything. I need to pickle the meat for three days and prepare some other things. I'll just buy everything and bring it with me on friday."

"Good, just give me the receives and I give you the money back." he says and I roll my eyes.

"Anastasia, do not do this again or I will spank you, see this as your one free pass. Eye rolling is very rude and I do not tolerate it." he says his voice icy cold and I bite my lip.

"Sorry, it's just I can pay for the ingredients I need."

"I know that you can, but I won't let you and if you try to argue about this I will have a credit card in your name here by friday and I will make you use it for what ever you buy at all times."

"But that wasn't mentioned in the contracted?"

"Book it under you have to obey me in all things. So, will you let me pay for the groceries Anastasia?" he says smugly and I scowl.

"Okay, but it's not fair that you use your position as my Dom to get what you want even before I have signed the contract."

"But it is good to see that you understand not to argue any further about this."

I decide it's best not to say anything about that. "Well, umm do you have any allergies or anything you won't eat? The german meal I want to cook for you is a typical sunday dinner, so I thought maybe something light on saturday like salmon with veggies and rice?"

"Sounds good to me and what ever you cook, I will eat it. I'm not picky about my food as long as it has a good quality and I get three meals a day I am happy. As for allergies I have none, do you?"

"Well there is my latex allergie which you are already aware of and I start to itch if I use certain soaps."

"Soap?" I can't help, but giggle because he looks alarmed.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. It's a certain ingredient of soaps and bodywash, I mainly order my soap, bodywash and bubble bath online, there are shops that sell all natural soaps and even cosmetics, it's much better for the skin and I don't itch using their products."

He leans over and runs his nose along my neck. "You do smell very nice, is that cherry?"

"Yes" I whisper tilting my head to one side to give him better excess to my neck, but much to my disappointment he doesn't take advantage of it.

"Good, can you order massage oils there too, I might use some on you during a scene and I don't want you to itch all over."

"Yes, they do. I can give you the names of the sites where I usually order, they have a huge selections of body and massage oils." he nods and Mrs. Jones serves us our lunch.

"Thank you, Gail. I will leave right after lunch, so you can have the rest of the day off."

"Thank you, Sir." she says with a bright smile and leaves the kitchen. We eat our lunch in comfortable silence, but halfway through the meal I notice that instead of eating, he is watching me eat.

"What?" I ask and take another bite of my grilled chicken and cheese sandwich.

"I like to watch you eat. You eat like you really enjoy it." he says with a ridiculous huge grin.

"That's because I do enjoy to eat. That's why I work out so much. I'd rather work my butt off in the gym every day instead of being hungry all day. If I'm hungry I'm grumpy and tend to snap at everyone, so I eat."

"Good to know, I was a little worried about letting the food list go, but it seems I don't need to worry about you eating."

Just when we both have finished our lunch his cellphone rings. "Sorry, I have to take this call. Make yourself at home, this can take a while." he says, answer the call and I decide to make myself useful by loading this dishwasher. After that I take a look around the apartment and end up sitting on the piano bench looking out of the window. I love the view, it's like up here nothing matters.

I absent mindedly press some keys of the piano and continue to look out of the floor to ceiling windows.

"Do you play?" Christian's voice startles me a little and I turn around.

"Yes, I started getting lessons when I was 5 or 6 years old."

"Play something for me?" he asks gently and I smile and turn on the bench so I can play. Even though I can play the classics like Bach, Chopin or Mozart I always prefered to play modern music, because this way I can sing while playing which is one of my hobbies.

I decide to play _Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson_. I love this song, I remember when I first heard it I just had to learn it and would play it so often on the piano that my parents threatened me to take my piano away if I would play it one more time.

When I'm finished I turn to look at him and he has the most unreadable expression on his face. "That was very beautiful, Anastasia. You have a lot of talent." he says and clears his throat. "Well, Miss Steele, let's sign the contract I need to leave soon." I nod and follow him into his study, where I read the contract again and without giving myself the time to over think this I sign it.

"Now you are mine" he whispers against my ear and a shiver runs down my spine. On one hand it's scary to think that I have just signed a contract basically allowing a complete stranger / potential psychopath to do whatever he wants to me, but on the other hand the thought of being his is so enticing. Thinking that even just for a short time I will be the woman in the life of this powerful, sexy as fuck man. That he wants me, it gives me the biggest kick.

He walks around his desk and slowly lowers the zipper of his jeans. "Kneel in front of me Anastasia." his voice sounds harder and colder than before, but I do it immediately and he pulls his dick out and strokes himself.

"Do you like what you see, Miss Steele?" he asks and just to see his reaction I want to say no, but first I'm not allowed to look him in the eyes and second it would be a lie, because I really like what I see.

"Yes, Sir"

"Put your hands behind your back and open your mouth" I quickly do as I'm told and he slowly pushes his hard cock into my mouth.

"Suck!" he orders and I start to twirl my tongue around the tip and suck gently, before I start to take him deeper into my mouth. His hands reach into my hair. I'm just about to get into a good rhythm when I hear his voice. "Stop!" and I pull back immediately.

"I want to see your tits, take your clothes off, everything!" I quickly get up and strip out of my clothes before I kneel again. "Good girl, continue." So I take him in my mouth again and this time I can take him in deeper as I could the last time I gave him a blowjob. Hmm, I wonder if I can take all of him into my mouth. Giving Peter deep throat was never a problem, but Christian is much bigger. I try it and yes, still no gag reflex even if I take him in all to the route.

"Jesus fucking Christ" I hear Christian growl and that sound is so sexy I feel myself getting wet. I continue to take him all in and alternate between deep throat and pulling back to the tip so I can suck it hard and twirl my tongue around it.

"Enough!" he mutters breathlessly and pulls me to my feet. "Bend over the desk, hold on to it and spread your legs a little" I quickly do what he has told me and he pushes two fingers inside me.

"So wet, Miss Steele. I like that a lot, do you want me to fuck you now?" he asks while is fingers move inside me and his thumb is circling my clit.

"Yes, please" I moan and he lands a sharp slap on my behind, making me yelp.

"Yes, what?" he snaps. Shit, I forgot. "Yes, Sir, please." and as I say it he pulls his fingers out of me, grabs my hips and pushes his cock deep inside making me moan with pleasure. He starts to fuck me hard and I push back against him meeting his thrusts in perfect sync and I soon I'm close, but I try to hold my orgasm back not sure if I'm allowed to come.

"Please ... oh god ... please" I cry out if he denies me to come I'm not sure if I will be able to stop it.

"Come for me, now Anastasia" he hisses through gritted teeth and that's my undoing I come screaming and hear him curse and call out my name and he reaches his climax buried deep inside me.  
I am completely exhausted and just try to catch my breath as he pulls out of me.

"Friday, 7 pm. Don't be late." and with that I hear him close his zipper and he leave his study. I need a moment to get my breathing under control and I feel slightly used. Yes I just had an earth shattering orgasm, but him just leaving like that makes me feel used. But, I guess it will always be like this with him. We are not in a love relationship, this is solely about sex. So I get dressed again and make my way to the elevator, but when I'm almost there I hear the voices of Mrs. Jones and Taylor and can't help but listen.

"Jason, I'm worried. It's the same again and she looks just like the others. Have you seen her, it's like Emma is back. This scares me Jason, we can't let him do this again."

"Gail, he is our boss, it's none of our business."

"But we have to live here, too. Do you want the same happen with Miss Steele that happened with all the other women. It has to stop Jason, Emma disappeared from one day to another and Mister Grey is ... I don't know for how long I can watch this happen over and over again Jason. I feel terrible, Mister Grey needs help, maybe Flynn isn't the right therapist for him, maybe he needs to stay at a facility for a while or ... I just don't know ... all this women"

Mrs. Jones is crying and I try to hear more, but they have stopped talking. I hurry to the elevator and press the call button. Oh my god! What was that all about? Is he the reason why Emma is missing? Fuck, I need some time to think. I get in the elevator and sigh in relief when the doors are closed. When I get out of the elevator I walk numbly towards the door of my apartment.

"Anastasia!" fuck, it's Matt. I turn around and give him a weak smile. "Hi, do you have time. I could make us lunch?" he asks giving me a big winning smile and I know I should take his offer to get more information, but I'm just not in the mood to talk.

"Sorry Matt, I just had lunch and I'm really exhausted. Can we take a rain check on lunch?"

"Sure, how about tomorrow?"

"Okay, sounds good. Your apartment?"

"Yes, say 1 pm?"

"I'll be there. Bye Matt." I get into my apartment, lock the door and sink to the floor leaning against it. Now I know that Christian was Emma's Dom and I know I have to read the last journal today and try to find more clues so I can finally decide if he is Master or Sir. _Please, let him be Sir ..._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Okay ladies, this is where the story gets really interesting...**_

_**Day 6 - The Journal**_

Today is Monday and I have a lot to do. First my lunch with Matt and then cocktails with Kate tonight. I really need to figure this out before I find myself in more danger than I can handle. The more I think about everything, the more I am thankful that my Dad taught me how to shoot and insisted that I would get a licence and a gun. I have a 9mm Beretta here at my apartment and another one in my car. So if someone tries to attack me I can defend myself. Though I hope I never have to use one of my guns.

After going for a run this morning and meeting with Claude Bastille, Christian's personal trainer, for a workout I feel really good and take a long shower before going into my walk in closet to pick an outfit. Usually, I would dress up a little for having lunch with someone, but I still have these alarm bells ringing in my head when ever I see Matt and I don't want to give him the wrong impression, so I decide to go for something casual. I dress in a white sweater, dark jeans and brown boots. I put my hair into a ponytail, use no make up and take my brown leather purse before I leave my apartment and knock at Matt's door.

"Anastasia, come in" he says and kisses my cheek, which makes my skin crawl.

"Hi, thanks" I mutter and get into his apartment. The first thing I notice is the song that is playing in the background. _'Where the wild roses grow' by Nick Cave feat. Kylie Minogue_. And as I hear it I swear I hear have this little voice in my head screaming at me: _Run bitch! Run!_

"Sorry, weird song choice, I had my I-pod on shuffle" he mutters and seems a little embarrassed. When he skips it to something from Hinder, which is one of my favorite bands, I feel a lot better.

"Okay, confess, you are a serial killer and that was my cue to run" I giggle, try to sound convincing and he laughs.

"Who knows, but usually people tend to survive my cooking. So you should be safe." he winks and finally I relax a little and sit down on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar.

"Is asian tuna salad, okay with you Anastasia?"

"Yes, sound wonderful. Do you cook often?"

"Everyday, so if you are too lazy to cook, feel free to stop by. It's more fun to have company for a meal."

"Maybe, depends on how good your lunch is."

"I'll try my best. So, any luck to find Emma so far?" he asks while he keeps preparing our lunch.

"No, not at all. It's like she just fell off the face of the earth. I've asked Kate and Christian Grey, he owned her apartment, but he has no clue either, was just pissed that she just left."

"Be careful with Grey." he says and I frown.

"Why?"

"One night, I came home late from a photo shoot. I sat in my car and was texting with a friend when I saw them together. She was pretty drunk and he was yelling at her. She threw up near the elevator and he dragged her into the elevator. He looked pissed, well I guess if she didn't just decide to leave town he could have done it, there are rumors that he has anger issues. An other photographer I know who works for a newspaper once had to shoot some publicity stills of him after an interview. The reporter asked some personal questions and Grey lost it, threatened to punch him and his security guy had to hold him back. In the end he black balled the reporter in all of Washington and some other states Grey has influence in. Brilliant guy work wise, but with a really short temper. Wouldn't want to be on his bad side." Matt grins and I feel sick.

What if I got this all wrong, what if Christian is responsible for what ever happened to Emma. I was so hoping it was Matt, but maybe I have made a deal with the devil.

"Are you alright, Anastasia?"

"What... sorry, yes. It's just, Grey seemed so nice when I met him."

"Good looking son of a bitch, I know. Since no one ever saw him date I thought I try my luck, but he is not gay" he says and my mouth pops open.

"Have I shocked you now? Well, I'm actually bi-sexual though I mainly get involved with men. Women... to complicated for my liking. Have you ever tried it?"

"Tried what?"

"Sex with a woman." he asks and I'm surprised. That's personal, but I guess it doesn't hurt to tell him the truth.

"My former fiancé was a bit voyeuristic and he had this fantasy about watching two girls. I never was really interested, but there was this one girl at college. She wasn't the most beautiful girl, but there was something about her. She was a lesbian and one night I met her at a college party, she hit on me and I was curious, but told her it could only happen with my boyfriend watching us. She was okay with it and well, let's say it was a night to remember, but I still prefer men."

"Hah, I knew you had a wild side to yourself. Good for you, but do yourself a favor and don't try to tame Grey, you'll only end up getting hurt."

"Has Emma ever told you about him?"

"No, but we weren't that close. There was this other guy though, he lived in 20D, but moved out a week after Emma left. I saw her go into his apartment quite often."

"Do you remember his name?"

"No, never talked to him. He was a bit rude, would never even say hello. Maybe Kate knows more about him, I saw her arguing with him a couple of times. She is a pain in the ass and locks horns with anyone, so I guess she can help you out with his name."

A minute later he puts a plate with food in front with me and we eat in relaxed silence. The salad is very good, but I can't really enjoy it. So, Matt is a dead end. He isn't even creepy anymore and seeing that he prefers men, he can't be Sir or Master. Or is he lying? Shit, this is so confusing and who is this other guy? Damn, I need to talk to Kate this evening, maybe this other guy is the key to all the answers I need.

"Is the salad so bad that you can't talk anymore?" Matt asks and I blush.

"Sorry, I zoomed out, that happens sometimes. And no, it's delicious, I might end up hanging out here every day so you can cook for me."

"I wouldn't mind. Maybe one day I will get my shot of that perfect ear you have." he says staring at my left ear, which is kind of weird.

"For your wall of body parts?" I smirk and he nods.

"It's my master piece, one day I have a shot of every part of the body. The perfect female wouldn't you feel honored to be a part of it?" he asks with a grin.

"Maybe, like I told you I don't really understand art, but I like to look at it."

"That's a good start and sometimes you don't to have to understand a piece of art, sometimes it is really just about enjoying the beauty of it. So, do you want my special dessert?" he asks and I nod. He gets up opens the freeze and giggle when he returns with two watermelon popsicles.

"Bon appetite, Anastasia" he says with a boyish grin and hands me one.

"Thanks, watermelon is my favorite" I smirk back and a little while later I leave his apartment.

Fuck, I thought I already had pinned Sir and Master down to Christian and Matt. Now, I know that Christian has anger issues and Matt is bi-sexual but tends to men. I hope Kate can shed some light on the mystery guy in 20D. If he is Master or Sir, I need to find him.

I spend the rest afternoon writing notes for my book and trying to do some more research on Christian, but there isn't much. He dropped out of Harvard, started his own company and became a self-made billionaire before he turned 25. His parents are a well known attorney, Carrick Grey, and his mother is a doctor. The only interesting fact was that he, just like his siblings are adopted. I make a note to look into this further later and safe all my notes and info on my USB flash drive and take it with me. I might be paranoid, but I also hide a copy behind the picture, that is now covering the hole in the wall with the journals in my closet again.

I meet Kate and we take a cab to a nearby bar, called the zigzag café. They also serve food, so I order a burger with fries and long island iced tea, while Kate orders a Cosmo.

"I had lunch with Matt today, you know I'm still trying to find Emma to return her stuff, he told me there was another neighbor on our floor at the time she lived at Escala. He lived in 20D, but Matt couldn't remember his name."

Kate scrunches her face in disgust. "Yes, Jack Hyde. He is a real asshole. I got into an argument with him a couple of times, because he always left a trail of garbage when he brought his garbage to the chute. He told me that if it bothers me I could clean it up. That guy still thinks we live in the fifties."

"Did Emma get along with him?"

"Not sure, I saw her talk to him a couple of times, maybe he knows something. Though if you want to talk to him you have to do it during the week."

"Why?"

"Not sure, he left every friday with a duffel bag and didn't return until sunday late evening. He works for a local publishing house as an editor. I think it's Seattle Independent Publishing."

"Okay, so do you know why he moved?"

"No, but after he moved out the owner of the apartment moved his mother in. You won't probably ever see her. She is old and sick, doesn't leave the place much. He stops by every day to look after her or take her to a doctors appointment. She has a caretaker who lives there, too. Nice woman in her late fifties, but she can't go out much either because the old lady ... I think her name is Victoria Ingalls, needs her there at all times."

"I thought no one was living there because I haven't seen someone leave the apartment since I moved in."

"Like I said, she doesn't leave often. Oh... but wait, I do remember something that was weird. Before the owner moved his mother in he had to have painters come over. Apparently, that Hyde guy painted not only all the walls in one of the bedrooms black, but also all the windows in that room. How odd is that, painting windows black... who does something like that? Hah, I bet Mister Ingalls made Hyde pay for that one, the rental agreement clearly says you can't change anything without asking the owner for permission. I know that because Ingalls owns my apartment, too. My parents wanted to buy me a place, but all apartments available at the time only had one bedroom and that is not enough space for me."

We change the topic after that and I'm a little tipsy when we leave the café two hours later and take a cab back home. I know tomorrow I have to go and see Jack Hyde. He has to be Master or Sir. It fits perfectly. Christian only has his subs over at the weekends and Hyde is only home during the week. Painting the walls and windows black could be a sign that the second bedroom was his playroom, but if today has taught me anything, then it is that I won't jump to any conclusion anymore until I have proof.

I wait until Kate, who is really drunk is in her apartment and open my door. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed. I lock my door turn the light in my living room on and nearly piss my pants when I see someone sitting on my sofa.

"Nice apartment, Ana. Not sure it is your style though."

"What the fuck are you doing here, Peter?"

"Well, I'm trying to talk to you ever since you walked in on Elsa and I, but you avoided me and then I had to find out through your mother that you have left Chicago. I want you to come home Ana, I still love you." _Oh god, is he kidding?_

"Are you crazy, you cheated on me and not just with anyone, but with my best friend, next you got her pregnant and married her. I have never in my life felt so betrayed or humiliated. So, get the fuck out of my apartment, you have no business being here!"

"Yes, I do. I want you back, look I only married Elsa because of the baby and we are not even sure it is mine. We can still be together..."

"NO! Do you hear me, we are done. I will never be able to trust you again and how the hell did you get in here?"

"Really Ana? I was at your parent's place almost more as at my place, your parents keep all the keys in your dad's office. It was easy to get in and find the right keys." he says looking proud of himself and I have enough. I'm tipsy, I am tired, I had one hell of a day and I want him gone. I take my phone and dial 911.

"911 what is your emergency?"

"Hello, my name is Anastasia Steele, a man broke into my apartment and is not willing to leave."

"Do you know the intruder Ma'am?"

"Yes, he is my former fiancé, but I didn't invite him in, he stole a spare set of keys I gave to my parents and let himself in while I wasn't at home. Can you please sent someone over to remove him from my apartment."

"Yes Ma'am. Please give me your address" I tell the operator my address and he assures me that the police will be there in less than five minutes.

"You called the cops?"

"Yes, because you stole those keys and came in here uninvited. I want you to leave, now! And give me back those keys."

"No, you would never allow the cops to arrest me, you love me and you know it."

"I don't love you, Peter. That's all long gone. I would have forgiven you a lot of things, but cheating isn't one of them. There is no coming back from this one, I will never be able to trust you again. And I will not embarrass myself any further by starting over again with a man who cheated on me and is now married to that bitch."

He just keeps trying to convince me that he is still my happily ever after, but I just can't believe it. Seeing him now just shows me that we are done. Because looking at him, I feel nothing. And finally the cops arrive and take him with them.

I want to go to bed, but suddenly I am afraid he has another set of keys and returns when I am asleep. It's too late to get the locks changed tonight and Kate is probably passed out drunk. I can't ask Matt if I can sleep at his place tonight, because I just don't know him that well, so that leaves Christian as my only option. Shit, maybe this is a really bad choice, but I dial his number anyway.

He answers at the second ring. "Anastasia, is something wrong?"

"Umm, good evening, Sir. I wanted to ask if you would mind if I would stay at your guest room tonight." I stutter.

"Why?"

"My former fiancé stole the spare keys I gave my parents and was in my apartment when I came home tonight. I called the cops and they took him to the station, but he will probably leave in an hour, and I'm afraid he has more keys and will come back."

"Fuck, get what you need and come up."

"Thank you, Sir" I hang up and quickly gather what I need before getting into the elevator.

The moment the doors open at the penthouse Christian is by my side and takes my bag.

"Are you alright, Anastasia?"

"Yes, Sir. Just tired and a little shocked. I'll have my locks changed first things tomorrow morning. Thank you, for letting me stay here tonight."

"You don't have to thank me, Anastasia. I expect you to come to me if something like this happens or if you need anything. Now, come, have you eaten tonight?"

"Yes, I had dinner with Kate while we had cocktails."

"Good, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm just really tired, Sir"

"Then go to bed, you know where your room is. Anything you would like for breakfast tomorrow morning, so I can tell my housekeeper?"

"I'm not picky, what ever she cooks is fine with me." Christian nods and carries my bag upstairs for me.

"Good night, Anastasia."

"Good night, Sir" he kisses my forehead and leaves the guest room. I just change quickly into my nightgown and slip under the covers, thinking about this completely fucked up day, before I finally fall asleep...


	8. Chapter 8

_**Day 7 - The Journal**_

I wake up surprisingly refreshed the next morning. I usually don't sleep more than 6 hours, but when I look at my phone I see that it is already a quarter past 7 in the morning, so I have slept almost 8 hours. I stretch and decide to take a quick shower. So, I get out of the bed, undress in the bedroom and head into the en suite bathroom. Once under the shower I enjoy the hot water and try not to think about the reason why I am at Christian's penthouse and not at my apartment.

Peter must be completely out of his mind if he thinks that after betraying me and putting me through public humiliation I would give him a second chance. Especially if now I would end up as the home wrecker who has an affair with a married man. _No thanks, but I would never sink that low. _I might be someone who always wants to fix things, but not at the expense of losing every bit of self-respect I ever had. I just hope that he got the message now and has left Seattle. The last thing I need is him following me around.

I'm so deep in thought that I only realise that I am no longer alone in the shower when I feel Christian wrapping his strong arms around my waist, pulling me against him, so my back is against his front and I feel his erection pressing against me.

"Good morning, Miss Steele. I thought since you are here this morning, I am going to take full advantage of you. Any complains about that?" he smirks against my neck.

"No, Sir" I whisper. Hell, this man is sex on legs, what women in her right mind would have any complains if he wants to have sex with her? I most definitely have none.

"Good" he murmurs as he starts to kiss down my neck, sucking, nibbling and licking the sensitive skin as he does. His hands glide over my belly and breasts so lightly that it sends a shiver down my spine and all I want is to turn around so I can touch him, too. But I know I am not allowed, so I keep still just enjoying his touch until it is him who turns me around.

"Look at me, Anastasia" he orders and I look into his beautiful gray eyes. "I want you to watch me, do not look away, understand?"

"Yes, Sir" I answer and he moves us away from the stream of hot water, pushes me against the wall of the shower and drops to his knees in front of me. He grabs my hips, pulls me a bit forward and orders me to spread my legs a little. I do as I'm told and he leans forward and starts to lick and suck my folds.

I have to force myself to keep my eyes open and watch him. It's just so intense, watching him do this to me. For the most parts Peter was more about his pleasure than mine and if he did this to me he would usually dive under the covers, so I would never get to see him do this me, but now watching Christian do this me and feel it at same time is almost too much.

I'm just about to reach my climax when he stops and I have to bite my lip to stop me from protesting. Christian gets to his feet again and pins me against the wall, holding me wrists together over my head with one hand.

"I am going to let go of your wrists, wrap your arms around my neck, you may touch my neck and head, if you touch my back I am going to punish you, understand?"

"Yes, Sir" he lets go of my wrists and I wrap arms around his neck and he lifts me onto his hips and enters me in one swift move.

"Look at me Anastasia, I want to see your beautiful eyes" he growls as he starts to fuck me hard and I open my eyes looking into burning gray eyes and I want to kiss him so badly, but I don't, not knowing if he will like it if I do or not. So, I just enjoy the moment trying to hold back my orgasm until he allows me to reach my climax and unconsciously fist my fingers in his wet hair.

"Come for me, Anastasia, now!" he hisses through gritted teeth and that is all I need to let go and reach my orgasm in a rush that has me crying out.

When I come down from the intense orgasm I just reached I find myself in his lap on the floor of the shower. And for a moment he just holds me like this and I enjoy being close to him. But suddenly he gets up with me in his arms and puts me to my feet.

"Breakfast will be ready in 20 minutes, don't be late or I'm going to spank you" he threatens, but I don't think he is serious as he is grinning at me. I watch him leave the shower, wrap a towel from the rack by the shower around his hips and leave the bathroom. Well, that was certainly a good way to start the day. But I wonder why he hasn't kissed me so far. Maybe that's a Dom/sub thing. I decide to ask him at breakfast and quickly wash myself, before I leave the shower and blow dry my hair.

Because I'm going to meet Claude for a workout this morning I dress in the workout clothes that I have packed, pull my hair into a messy bun and grab my duffel bag before I leave the guest room. Thankfully, I am right on time and just as I sit down next to him at the breakfast bar his housekeeper puts the plates with a omelette, bacon and a separate plate with cut fruit in front of us.

"How do you like your coffee, Miss Steele?" his housekeeper, Mrs. Jones asks me and though she is polite enough, I feel a undercurrent of hostility as she looks at me expectantly.

"Lots of milk, no sugar. Thank you, Mrs. Jones." she smiles and turns around, but her smile was fake. Maybe she doesn't like Christian's lifestyle?

"I take it you'll meet Claude this morning?"

"Yes, he wants to see if I can really run the five miles that I told him I would usually do."

"Five miles?" he sounds surprised.

"Near my parents home in Chicago is a park with a beautiful lake. 5 miles is the distance from my parents home to the park, around the lake and back. I used to take that route quite often."

"I see, what other plans do you have for today?"

"I need to get my locks changed and other than that I am not sure." I am not going to tell him that I want to meet Jack Hyde to see if he was the other Dom Emma had...

"Yes, about your locks. They are already changed. Taylor did a sweep through your apartment before the locks were changed. Your ex did not return. As far as my team could find out he has left Seattle late last night."

I'm completely dumbfounded when he hands me a set of keys. "I ... thank you, but you really didn't have to do this."

"As your Dom it is my job to keep you safe. If your ex broke into your apartment once, who says he isn't going to try it again, so I had to make sure if he is still in town, because hadn't he left I would have put security on you."

I have no idea what to say, so I just nod and suddenly my phone rings. I see my Mom's caller ID on the screen and look at Christian.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but this is my mother. I have to take the call" I apologize and take the call when he nods.

"Hi mom"

"Oh darling, are you alright? Karen just called me. Is it true that you called the cops because Peter came to visit you?" Oh great, of course Peter would run to his mother and she would call my mom who still is her best friend.

"Mom, he didn't come to visit me. I came home after I had some cocktails with a neighbor and he was in my apartment. He stole the keys from Dad's study and I first asked him and then told him to leave, but he just wouldn't. So, I called the cops to get him removed from my apartment."

"Oh my, he didn't hurt you, didn't he?" my asks concern clearly audible in her voice.

"No, Mom. I'm fine, he just offended me by offering me to become his mistress. I'm over him Mom. I just want him out of my life and he didn't seem to get the message."

"I understand sweetheart. After what he has done to you that is more than understandable. Are you happy in Seattle?"

"Yes, I like it here. Kate, my neighbor, she is very nice. I think we are going to be friends. So, don't worry about me."

"Ana, you are my only child, I'll always worry about you, that's what moms do"

"I know, listen mom, I have an appointment this morning, can I call you this evening?"

"Of course. Oh, but I forgot, you know your Dad and I always receive an invitation to all those fundraisers all over the country, because I am championing so many charities. Anyway, there is this fundraiser in Seattle the weekend after next, it is for a really good cause, would you mind going, darling?"

"A fundraiser? I don't know mom, I don't even know someone whom I could take with me as my date. Let's talk about this tonight."

"Just think about it, love you darling."

"Love you, too mom" I hang up and take a sip of my coffee which Mrs. Jones has placed in front of me while I was on the phone.

"Which fundraiser were you talking about, Anastasia?"

"I'm not sure, my mother asked me if I could attend a fundraiser for her that takes place the weekend after next here in Seattle."

"That would be the fundraiser for Coping Together which takes place at my parents home. It usually takes place in June, but my mother had such a busy schedule that she had to post-pone it until late october" he explains.

"I'll find an excuse to tell my mother why I can't go, Sir." As I say this he looks at me speculatively for a while, but then nods and resumes eating his breakfast as do I. But while I eat I remember that I wanted to ask him about the kissing.

"May I ask you a question, Sir?"

"Of course, what do you want to know?"

"You ... haven't kissed me so far. Has this something to do with the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship?"

"Does it bother you?" he asks instead answering of my question.

"I don't know, I was just wondering why."

"I guess it has to do with the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship, but also I don't really care for kissing if it isn't part of a scene."

He doesn't care for kissing? Wow, he must have had some crappy kisser as subs to say that, to me kissing is half the fun, but I decide to just nod and let it goe, why trying to convince him that kissing is great when he has already made up his mind otherwise...

After our breakfast he accompanies me to the elevator and we wait in silence for it to arrive. When the doors open I take a step forward, but he grabs my wrist pulls me back and before I know it his lips are on mine and he kisses me with so much passion that I feel my knees weaken while his tongue is exploring my mouth and coaxing me to answer his kiss with the same passion, which I do until he lets go and we are both breathless.

"Friday, don't forget to be on time, I hate unpunctuality" he says while his fingers brush over my cheek, with that he turns back around and walks back towards the great room while I stumble into the elevator. Wow ... just wow for someone who doesn't like to kiss he sure as hell kisses like a god.

Four hours later I had my workout and changed into a denim dress and boots, leaving my hair open. I arrive at SIP shortly before lunch time and walk to the front desk where a young african american woman is seated.

"Welcome to Seattle Independent Publishing. How can I help you?" she asks with a bright smile and I like her immediately.

"Hi, my name is Anastasia Steele. I am here to see Mister Jack Hyde. I don't have an appointment, but I was hoping that I could see him anyway."

"Oh, we usually don't let anyone talk to our editors without an appointment. Is is something important?"

"It's a private matter, could you ask him if he could see me, please tell him it's about Emma Mitchell."

"I'll see what I can do." I watch her make the call and when she hangs up she smiles at me.

"Mr. Hyde has agreed to see you. He will be here with you shortly, you can sit down over there" she points to a sitting area with two large green Chesterfield couches and I walk over there and sit down.

"My god, you look just like her" I look up and see a man in his early thirties with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He is very handsome, but not my type at all.

"You must be Mr. Hyde. I'm Anastasia Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Hyde, thank your for giving me some of your time." I say as I get up and we shake hands.

"It's my pleasure Miss Steele. There is a nice deli across the street, would you mind if we talk over lunch?"

"No, sounds perfect."

5 minutes later we are sitting at a table in the corner of the deli and look through the menu. We order our food and he looks at me as if he was trying to read my mind, which is really unnerving.

"So you want to talk about Emma, Miss Steele?"

"Yes, I recently moved into her old apartment at Escala and found a box with some of her belongings. I'm trying to find her so I can return it to her. Mister Turner told me you lived on the same floor while Miss Mitchell lived at Escala, so I was wondering if you have heard from her since she has left Seattle."

"No, I am sorry Miss Steele. I saw Emma the last time on a Friday and when I returned home on Sunday evening after I've spent the weekend away she was already gone. I haven't heard from her since then."

"So she hasn't contacted you at all?"

"No, I've tried to contact her, talked to a co-worker of hers, but couldn't find a clue as to where she is now." he seems to be very upset about this and I actually feel bad for him. He seems like he genuinely cares for Emma, but of course he could be putting on a show.

"Did you know her well?"

"We were neighbors and had lunch a couple of times. She was a very beautiful and intelligent young woman. A little lost in life though. No family or really close friends, I guess it was easy for her to just leave town and start over somewhere else. I hope she has found what she was looking for." he muses and our food arrives. Could he be master or sir? I don't know, but he seems to really care for Emma, so maybe he is one of them.

"I have talked to one of Emma's co workers as well, the girl told me that Emma seemed worried the last time she saw her, as if she was afraid someone was following her." I tell him trying to get more information out of him.

"She didn't tell me anything about that. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you out Miss Steele, but ... if you find Emma. Please tell her to get in touch with me, there is something I should have told her back then and I would love to do it now if given the chance."

"Of course, if I find her I'll let her know that you want to get into touch with her."

After lunch I head back home convinced that this man was either Master or Sir. He seemed desperate to find Emma and more so, I think he is in love with her. At home I sit down at my computer and google Jack Hyde. What comes up surprises me. He is not only an editor, but he is also an award-winning bestselling author who apparently spends his weekends at a cabin in the woods to write his crime novels. There is no mention of a girlfriend, but I found some gossip articles stating that he was seen at some BDSM clubs years ago. He brushed it off as research, but now I know he was either Master or Sir.

All that is left for me to find out is who is who, but at least I know now that Christian and Jack are Master and Sir and maybe, just maybe one of them is responsable for Emma's disappearance. _Oh what have I gotten myself into?  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_**I'm going on vacation, so there won't be any update for the next two Saturdays, sorry...**_

_**Day 10 - The Journal  
**_  
The last couple of days have been very uneventful, giving me the time to sit down and work on my book. So far, it's just a whole lot of research material and notes about Jack, Christian, Matt and Kate as well as some of my thoughts about what might have happened to Emma. I just don't think that she would have just disappeared like that. Maybe I'm crazy, but something about the way she just disappeared from one day to the next has murder written all over it.

One thing that really bothers me is where Emma's belongings are. If she really wanted to travel there is no way she could have taken everything she owns with her. I tried to find out if Emma has a storage unit, but so far I came up blank. So, my next step will be to find out if Jack, Matt or Kate have a storage unit and if so, I need to get in there. At this point, I can't just focus on Master and Sir. After all even if Matt prefers men, he is still creepy and Kate, well I don't think she has anything to do with it, but it does seem a little odd to me that she as a reporter just accepted that her neighbor disappeared like that.

Then there is Christian. Checking if he has a storage unit wouldn't help me one bit, he owns so many companies and has a large shipyard, so of course he owns several storage units. And more so, I don't want him to be the one responsible for Emma's disappearance. Even with everything that is pointing at him I just can't picture him as a murderer. Well, actually I just don't want to picture him as someone who would murder a woman and just make it look like she left town. I guess that makes me pretty stupid, I mean I am in a D/s relationship with someone who might have murdered the woman he was in the same type of relationship before, still I feel safe with him.

This is getting me nowhere. So I decide that I need to think about something else for a while. Today is friday and I will start my _training_ today. This also means that I have to go to the beauty salon. I wonder what this will include. Arriving the _**Spa Noir **_punctually at 10 am, I am welcomed with a delicious smoothie which I enjoy while I get a manicure and pedicure. Both are french style, but with a bit of glitter giving it an elegant yet modern look. I like it. Next I get my eyebrows shaped, which I really needed as I never get it right myself and after getting my legs and underarms waxed I am led into another room where I get a hot stone massage. This was really not what I was expecting, basically he sent me to get pampered and not overly styled or all kinds of uncomfortable treatments done.

Last on the list is my hair. I am informed that the spa usually doesn't offer any hair treatments, but Christian hired one of the best hair stylists in town to come here and do my hair. So when I leave the spa three hours later my hair is styled into big curls and looks amazing. I could really get used to this. I decide to have lunch at a nice restaurant I've found earlier this week and after that I go on a little shopping spree and nearly lose track of time. It's already 6 in the evening when I arrive back in the garage of Escala. I quickly put my gun from the glove department into my purse and leave my car. As I walk towards the elevator someone jumps up from behind a car and tries to take my purse from me.

I know that this is the most stupid thing to do, but I hold on to my purse. I can almost hear my Dad yell at me to let the damn thing go as the guy looks like a drug addict and could easily harm me, but my gun is in the purse and also the USB flash drive with all my research and notes including Christian's names, so there is no way I can let go of my purse.

"Let it go, stupid bitch" the guy yells at me and I do the only thing I can and that is to kick him in the balls. But he doesn't even go down and instead he pushes me away, I stumble and fall still holding on to my purse and as I am on the ground he kicks me first in the ribs and then against the head.

"Hey" I hear a woman yell. I think it is Kate, but everything is such a blur that I am not sure and as I see her kneel down next to me I pass out.

Two hours later I am in a private suite at the northwest hospital and Kate has just left. I have to stay the night as I have a concussion, but at least I kept my purse, I think to myself and groan in frustration. From now on I will never again take that darn flash drive with me. Imagine Christian has nothing to do with Emma's disappearance and this gets in the wrong hands. It would ruin his reputation and it would be all my fault. And as I think this I realize that I should have been at Christian's over an hour ago. _Fuck!  
_  
I reach for my purse take my phone out which is silenced and cringe. 10 missed calls from Christian. I don't even bother to open one of the five texts and call him.

He picks up after the first ring. "Miss Steele, how nice of you to finally have the grace to call me back. If this is what you understand under punctuality then we are done..."

"No, please I am sorry. I am at the hospital and I only now had the chance to call you, please don't be mad at me" I beg because actually, I don't want him to be mad at me right now or maybe ever.

"What, why are you at the hospital?"

"Some crackhead assaulted me in the garage of Escala when I came home tonight. He wanted to steal my purse and I decided to act stupid and held onto it. That guy was so high he didn't even flinch when I kicked him in the balls. Instead he pushed me, I fell and he kicked me in the ribs and head. My neighbor Kate came home when it happened and he ran. I should have called you earlier, but Kate just left a couple of minutes ago."

"My god, are you alright?"

"Yes, just a concussion, they want to keep me overnight because I passed out and was unconscious for more than 15 minutes, now my ribs and head hurt, but nothing is fractured, I might get a bump and some bruises, but nothing serious. I can leave tomorrow morning."

"I see, has the police caught the guy?" he asks just as a nurse enters the room.

"No, they are still looking for him. I have to hang up now, a nurse just came in. I will be at your place around noon, good night."

"Good night, Anastasia." I end the call and the nurse gives me some pain medication and tells me that I should rest now. So I take the pills and a couple of minutes later I am asleep.

When I wake the next morning, I need to blink a couple of times until my eyes start to focus. At first I am little confused where I am, but then I remember where I am. I sit up in bed and wince, because my head starts to spin and my ribs hurt.

"Anastasia, are you okay?" I jump when I hear a voice and turn my head into the direction where the voice came from and find Christian sitting in a chair by my bed.

"Christi... umm Sir, why are you here?"

"I was worried about you, I needed to make sure you are alright. I came here late last night, I must have fallen asleep in the chair. Do you want me to call a nurse?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you. I just need to use the bathroom." I manage to sit on the edge of the bed, but when I get up I feel dizzy and before I know it Christian has picked me up bridal style and carries me into the bathroom. He puts me to my feet in front of the toilet and leans against the sink. I wait for him to leave, but he doesn't move.

"Could you please leave, Sir?"

"No, I don't want you to fall, just take care of your business." I want to argue with him, but my head hurts and I am still slightly dizzy, so I just pull the ugly hospital gown up, sit down on the toilet and pee. Once I'm done I quickly wipe myself, flush the toilet and he moves out of the way so I can wash my hands at the sink. I look at myself in the mirror and groan. I look like shit. My hair is a mess, I am pale and I have dark circles under my eyes. I splash some cold water in my face, but it is no help. So, I decide to ignore the way I look this morning and Christian helps me back in bed.

"Could you please hand me my purse, Sir?" I ask because it is now on the table in the corner, out of my reach.

"Just tell me what to you need, Anastasia."

"There is a hair brush and hair tie in my purse" I tell him and he grabs my purse opens it and gasps.

"What on earth? Why do you carry a gun in your purse? Do you even know how to handle that damn thing?" He rants and I want to roll my eyes, but stop last minute remembering that he doesn't like that at all.

"I have a licence for the gun, Sir. Actually, I have another gun at my apartment. My parents wanted me to know how to protect myself. I not only know how to handle a gun, but I also had many defense classes, though I guess I need some more classes as I didn't handle myself too well yesterday" I mutter and he hands me the hairbrush and hair tie.

"I want you to rest at my penthouse today, Anastasia. We can't start your training today, seeing that you are not well, but I don't want you to be alone today."

"I can take care of myself, I really don't want to bur..."

"Anastasia, as your Dom it is my job to take care of you. We will not argue about this, understand?" his voice makes it clear that I am not going to win this argument so I decide to not even try.

"Yes, thank you, Sir." as I say this a nurse comes in and when she sees Christian her mouth pops open, she blushes and stares at him as if she wanted to jump him right here in front of me. _Damn it, don't look at him like this, he is mine... well kind of!_

"I umm ... I'm your nurse this morning Miss Steele, my name is Melanie, how is your head this morning?"

"It hurts and I'm still a little dizzy, though this could be because I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday." I wasn't allowed to eat last night, to make sure I wouldn't throw up and to be honest, I was way to dizzy to eat, but now I am really hungry.

"I will get you pain relief for your head and your breakfast. Do you want me to get you a breakfast, too Sir?" she asks Christian and he nods and thanks her. She leaves and nearly walks head first against the door as she is still ogling Christian on her way out. Okay, I admit it, I am jealous and I want to strangle her. Shit, so much for keeping things casual between Christian and I. My training hasn't even started and I already have feelings for him I shouldn't have, that is not good at all. I try to distract myself by brushing my hair and wince again as the brush touches the bump on my head.

"Let me" he says and holds his hand out for the brush. I hand it to him and turn. After five minutes he has carefully brushed my hair and braided it. Well, I didn't think he would know how to braid hair, but then again I barely know anything about him.

"Thank you, Sir" I say and the door opens. The nurse comes in balancing two trays of breakfast. She places one on the portable tray and the other one on the small table in the corner.

"The doctor will be with you shortly, Miss Steele. Please let me know if either you needs anything" she says and leaves when I thank her. As I feared the food is gross, but I am too hungry to really care.

"Why didn't you eat dinner yesterday?" Christian asks while eating his breakfast.

"I wanted to have dinner at home, but I never got the chance to get to my apartment. When I got into the room here my doctor advised me not to eat, to avoid getting sick. And with the headache I had all I wanted was to sleep, Sir."

He nods, seemingly okay with my answer and we continue to eat in silence until the doctor comes in. He checks on me and then tells me that I am good to go and just need to take care of the paperwork.

An hour later I am with Christian in his Audi R8 and he is driving us back to Escala.

"The car is amazing, Sir"

"Yes it is, and the color is much nicer than the color of your car." he says with a grin and I pout.

"With all due respect, but I love the color of my car. Besides, for most parts black isn't a color but merely the absence of light, Sir." I point out smirking and he raises one eye brow.

"Careful, Miss Steele no one likes a smartass." he warns me, but his voice sounds amused.

"I will endeavour to keep that in mind, Sir" I tell him and 15 minutes later we are at my apartment where I gather some things and then we leave and wait for the elevator.

"Hey Anastasia." I hear Matt's voice and cringe. _Shit, why did he have to see me with Christian?  
_  
"Hi Matt."

"Are you alright? You look pale."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Anastasia said she is fine Mr. Turner." Christian says and his voice is so cold that I would hate it if he would talk to me in that tone of voice.

"Well, she doesn't look fine to me Mr. Grey and as her neighbor and friend I think I am entitled to worry if I see her like this."

"You don't have to worry about her. She is going to stay at my penthouse for the rest of the weekend. Her father and I have done business together in the past and he asked me to look after her as a favor I owed him."

"Yeah right, like the time you dragged Emma into the elevator while she was drunk? Anastasia, be careful with him, don't trust the guy or you might be the next who disappears without a trace" he says goes back to his apartment and slams the door shut. I have no idea what to say and Christian is radiating tension as we step into the elevator and ride up to his apartment. Neither of us says a word as he walks with me to the guest room and once inside he turns to leave, but stops just outside the door.

"Ask me" he says as he turns around and I frown.

"Excuse me?"

"Ask me about Emma!" he says and I sit down on the bed. This is it, I know I am close to getting more answer and now I am actually afraid to ask, but I ask the one question I know he wants to hear.

"Was Emma your submissive?"

He takes a deep breath and sits down next to me, so I have to turn a little to look at him.

"Yes. We met when she signed her rental agreement. She fitted my type. Petite, pale skin, a brunette and clearly intelligent. Very much like you. I wanted her as my sub and I was delighted when I discovered that she was an established submissive. She became my sub a couple of months after she moved in and at first everything was normal. What one would expect from a Dom-sub relationship, but with time the sexual attraction was just gone. It didn't feel ... right, for me to fuck her. I can't explain it and I never felt that way before. I knew that she felt it too, but neither of us said anything. I had to go away on business for two weeks, when I returned I tried to contact her, but my calls went straight to voice mail. I went to her apartment and found that she was gone and so were all of her belongings. I tried to find her, but my team couldn't find a trace. Just some emails she has sent to friends that she wanted to leave town and start over somewhere else. It was only after she had left that I discovered that she had a second Dom. That sleezeball Jack Hyde, he lived here too. I also found out that it was him who paid her rent. He has a bad reputation in the scene. Very generous, but also vicious and with stalker tendencies. So, I figured she wanted to get away from him. I'm sorry that I had to lie to you when you first asked me about Emma. I hate to lie, but I am sure you understand that my lifestyle is nothing I can talk about to strangers."

"Yes, I understand. Can I ask one more question?"

"Of course."

"Why was Matt acting so hostile towards you?"

"The fucker is bi-sexual. One night when I came home he was in the elevator with me and tried his luck. I told him I wasn't interested and that I am not gay. He didn't get the message and lost a tooth when he tried to touch me. I paid him 100000 dollar to make him forget it ever happened, he also signed an NDA. But Anastasia, there is something really wrong with the guy. Call it gut instinct, but I want you to stay the hell away from him. Do not talk to him or have any contact with him, if you do and I find out, I will punish you for it. I have your best interest at heart, so do not defy me on this."

"I won't, Sir."

"Good girl. Now rest. I will order lunch in about three hours, try to sleep until then. If you want to change there are clothes in your walk in closet. Maybe if you feel better tomorrow we can play a little." he says kisses my forehead and leaves.

I sit down and think about all the things he has just told me and then it dawns on me. Christian is Sir, what he told me matches what Emma wrote in her journal. She started their relationship after she was already involved with Mr. Hyde and he also told me that in the last weeks of their contract they did not have sex. It really fits. So, now I know Christian is Sir and Jack Hyde is Master. All I need to do now is to find out if Hyde has anything to do with Emma's disappearance or if Matt has something to do with it, because even though he tends to have relationships with men, it doesn't mean that he can't have anything to do with what has happened to Emma. But at least once I have checked if Christian was really away on business in the time Emma disappeared I can rule him out and just enjoy our arrangement while I find out what really happened to Emma...


	10. Chapter 10

_**Because I had many requests I decided to post this chapter before saturday. Just a small warning, this is the last pre-written chapter I have for this story... I will try to keep my updating schedule and update every saturday, but I can't promise...**_

_**Day 11 - The Journal**_

I wake up and look at the clock on the nightstand. It's only a little after 7 in the morning, so I still have time until I have to get up. I stretch and notice that my ribs no longer hurt and my headache is almost completely gone. Actually, I feel good. I sit up and frown when I see a box lying on the chest of drawers. I get up and see that there is a note on top of it.

_Anastasia,_

The outfit I want you to wear for today is in the box. I expect breakfast at 8:30 am.

Christian Grey

I open the box and inside is a pair of black Louboutains high heels and a black lace teddy. Okay, so he likes lace lingerie and high heels. It's just us here, so I can do this. I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair and leave it open as there were no instructions how to wear my hair and dress in the teddy and high heels.

Arriving in the kitchen I need a moment to find everything I need and start to make breakfast. Since I know that Christian is all about eating healthy I decide to make fruit salad, egg white omelette and a green juice for both of us. Just when everything is ready Christian emerges in the kitchen and sits down at the breakfast bar.

"Good morning, Anastasia."

"Good morning, Sir" I say as I place his breakfast in front of him.

"How are you feeling this morning, Anastasia?"

"Very good, thank you Sir, my ribs don't hurt anymore and my headache is almost gone."

"Good, sit and eat. Is the coffee ready?"

"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't make any coffee. I'll get right on it." I hurry over to the machine and start the coffee. So, much for living healthy... having coffee first thing in the morning is not good.

"Don't you drink coffee with your breakfast, Anastasia?"

"I try to avoid it, Sir. I recently read in a health magazine that it is best to wait with the first coffee of the day until you are up for at least two hours, the body produces natural cortisol which wakes you up, so it is best to have the first coffee about two hours after waking up, so it keeps you more productive. I switched to having a green juice with my breakfast and it makes me feel more energetic throughout the day." I tell him and he rubs his chin thoughtful.

"Well, I guess it doesn't hurt to try. So, what's in this green juice?"

"Green apples, lime, parsley, kale, cucumber, celery and a tiny bit of ginger" I watch him take a sip and he seems pleasantly surprised by the flavor which was pretty much my reaction after trying it for the first time.

"It's good. I think I could get used to it." he says more to himself than to me so I sit down and we eat in comfortable silence and I put everything away and clean after we are finished while he watches me. Actually, I feel a lot more naked in this lingerie than I would if I were naked. Maybe it is because he is watching my every move...

"I am going to work out for a while. Make yourself at home, Anastasia. Are you still planing to cook for us tonight... you know the german meal you talked about?"

"Yes, it's all here, Sir."

He nods and leaves. I am bored. There is nothing for me to do here, so I go back to the guest room, flop down on the bed and grab my purple Macbook Pro from my overnight bag and decide to do some research. After all now that I know Christian is Sir, I can almost rule him out from my list of suspects. All I need to do is find out if he really was away on the weekend Emma went missing. And 20 minutes later I have my proof. There are pictures of Christian at a function in London at the time Emma disappeared.

So, now my main suspects are Jack Hyde and Matt Turner. Both knew Emma and Jack was her Dom. If he found out about Christian and Emma he might lost it and killed her. Though he seemed to genuinely care for Emma, of course that could have been all a show he put on so he wouldn't seem guilty of anything... I decide that I need to talk to him again. I just need to come up with a good excuse for doing so. Hell, he is an editor, I could just give him a call and ask him if he could help me getting published once I have written my book. Since Jack is away for the weekend I decide to call him on Monday and do a little more research on Kate.

After clicking through articles she has written recently and some from her time in college I stop when I see that she has done an interview with Christian for the college newspaper. She never told me that she met him and wow looking through the question they are very personal. It's a little odd that all those people I met somehow know each other in one way or another and Emma knew them all too. Maybe she discovered something that she shouldn't have... _great now I am sounding like a conspiracy fanatic again.  
_  
I decide that I have done enough research for one morning and as I am not allowed to do exercises for a week I decide to play the piano a little. I make my way upstairs and find Christian in the kitchen pouring himself a coffee.

"Do you need anything Anastasia?"

"No Sir, I ... I was a little bored and I thought I could play the piano for a while, if you don't mind."

"No, that's fine. In fact, I will get my laptop and listen to you playing. Can you play classical pieces?"

"Of course, anything specific you would like me to play, Sir?"

"Something soothing." he says gets his laptop from his study and I sit down on the piano bench while he sits down on the sofa. Something soothing... I think for a second and smile. This might not be what he wanted me to play, but I decide to play _River flows in you, _which is better known as _Bella's lullaby _from_ Twilight_.

I start to play it and when I'm finished I change to Rhapsody on a theme by Rachmaninov. I play two more pieces when I hear him get up and he stands right behind me.

"Play the first song again Anastasia, the piece from Twilight. You will play it until I tell you stop, if you stop or climax I will punish you. Understand?"

"Yes Sir" I whisper and for a moment I wonder what he has on his mind, but then his fingers glide across my collarbone and further down into the bra cups of the teddy I am wearing. He starts to massage my breasts slowly and I close my eyes and try to concentrate on pressing the right keys on the piano, which isn't exactly easy because he is now playing with my nipples and as he pinches them hard I hit the wrong key.

"Careful, Miss Steele. Don't mistreat my piano or there will be no orgasm for you this weekend" he whispers into my ear and I whimper a little.

"Hush, no sounds ... I just want to hear the music" he whispers and teasingly bites my earlobe. _How on earth am I going to keep playing like this? _Soon his hands are all over me and I do my best to keep playing... but it's hard.

"Tell me Anastasia, are you wet for me?"

"Yes, Sir"

"How wet?"

"Very" I moan and one of his hands slides under the teddy to find out if I told him the truth, which I did and he groans when he feels how wet I am.

"Do you want me to fuck you on the piano, Anastasia?" he growls into my ear.

"Yes, please Sir" my voice is so husky I barely recognize it myself, but I want him, now!

"Stop playing!" he orders and I immediately stop. I sit there and wait while he closes the lit and then he makes me stand up and slowly strips the teddy of me so I am naked except for my high heels.

He slowly walks around me and then lifts my chin. "You are a very beautiful woman, Anastasia. Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"No Sir" I whisper. I mean I know I am not ugly and before Peter decided to cheat on my I even considered myself as beautiful, but now I am not so sure.

"You are. Say it!" he snaps and for a moment I hesitate, so grabs my hair and pulls my head back a little. "Say it, Anastasia."

"I am beautiful, Sir" I whisper.

"That you are, a beauty like yours is rare, don't ever forget that." he says, lifts me on the piano and then pulls on my legs until the are hanging over his shoulders and my ass is suspended in the air.

"Hold on to the piano" he orders and I do as I am told. When his tongue makes contact with my aching clit a deep moan escapes me, but this time he doesn't seem to mind and I am glad because his tongue is magical and I have no idea how to hold back my orgasm.

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes" I gasp.

"Beg me!"

"Please, Sir, please" if he doesn't fuck me soon I will lose my mind!

"No... no. You have to be more specific, Anastasia. I want you tell me exactly what you want" he says playing with my desperate need to have him... but if he wants me to be more specific I can do that.

"I want you to thrust your thick cock inside me and fuck me hard..."

"Oh my goodness!" I freeze when I hear those words cried out from a female voice followed by Christian's gasp "Mom!"

_Mom? Mom! His mother? _Oh. My. God. I am naked on a piano with Christian's head between my legs and his mother just walked in on us? _Can I please die now?_

Christian quickly lifts me from the piano and I hide behind him, seeing his mother who has turned around, but is still standing there. I don't care if I am getting punished for it, but I make a run for the stairs and hurry into the guest room. Fuck, his mother. I am so embarrassed I want the ground to swallow me up. Jesus H. Christ, she heard what I said... she must think I am a slut.

Great, this has to be the single most embarrassing moment of my life. I sit down on the bed and wrap the duvet around myself. Maybe I should get dressed and leave, but just when I think about it the door opens and Christian comes in. He looks not pleased at all.

"Get dressed, my mother wants to meet you." he snaps and my eyes widen. Meet his mother? Why?

"Anastasia, do not make me repeat myself!" oh boy, he is fucking pissed, so I hurry into the walk in closet and quickly put a white knitted dress and some leggings on, instead of the high heels I slip some flats on and quickly put my hair into a messy bun and follow Christian downstairs.

His mother gets up from the sofa the moment she sees me and my face is a flame. _How am I supposed to look this woman in the eyes?  
_  
"Hello, I am Grace Trevelyan-Grey. Christian's mother and you are Anastasia, right?"

"Yes, it's nice to meet you, Dr. Trevelyan-Grey."

"Well, it would have been nice to meet you earlier, Anastasia, but my son seems to think introducing his girlfriend to his parents is not necessary." she says a little hurt and I have no idea what to answer. _His girlfriend? _

"Mom, please! It's not Anastasia fault, we just met recently. Anastasia and I wanted to make sure our relationship would work before we wanted to tell everyone. But I guess now that you know, we can just make it official. So, Mom, meet my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele. Anastasia I am pleased to introduce you to my mother Grace Trevelyan-Grey" Christian says and I am not sure what to do... his girlfriend? Oh my god, how can he lie so smoothly to his own mother?

Can I believe anything he told me when he lies so smoothly? I know this is not the right time to think about this so I just give his mom a warm smile and put on my happy face as Christian wraps one arm around my waist. I play along with his charade and like a good girlfriend I offer his mother something to drink and ask her if she wants to have lunch with us which she politely denies.

"So, it was a pleasure to meet you, Anastasia and I will see you on Saturday. Christian has asked you, right?" she asks me and I have no idea what she is talking about.

"No mom, you've beat me to it, but we will be there, don't worry." he says and gives his mother a kiss on the cheek before escorting her to the elevator. When he returns his mouth is pressed into a hard line.

"Leave!" he hisses.

"I... I'm sorry, Sir ... I"

"Get out now" he yells and kicks one of the bar stools across the kitchen. I don't lose anytime I dart upstairs get my stuff and I am out of the penthouse in less than two minutes. And it is not before I am safe in my apartment sitting on the sofa that I start to shake. Maybe I got this all wrong. Christian lied so smoothly to his mother and his outburst... he actually scared the hell out of me.

I know he was out of town when Emma disappeared, but what if she really was travelling first and he was so mad that she left without telling him, that he tracked her down and just lost it? Fuck, I must not think like this... I must not think like this...

To distract myself I decide to make lunch. Cooking always distracts me. So, I look through the contents of my fridge and pantry and decide to make tuna rolls for lunch. But even while I cook I can't get his outburst out of my head. I am not even sure if this means that our contract is over... and if not, maybe I should end it. Maybe this all was a bad idea, maybe I am in way over my head and soon I will be the one who is missing.

No, I can't think like that. A 25 year old woman just disappeared and no one in this world cared enough about her to find out what happened to her. That's just not right... if she is dead, then she deserves to be found. I started this and I will go through with it. If in the end it turns out that I got it all wrong and Emma is alive, living happily somewhere else, then I will be happy for her. But if not she deserves to get justice and I never met this woman, but I feel so drawn to her that I need to know what happened to her.

In the evening I start to think about what to make for dinner when I hear someone knock at my door. I open and find Christian who to my surprise is holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Hi, can I come in?" he asks and if I am not mistaken he is nervous. I take a step back to let him in and usher him into my livingroom.

"Can I offer you a drink, Sir?"

"Forget the Sir for now, just call me Christian. We need to talk and um... these are for you" he hands me the flowers and I frown.

"My shrink told me that I needed to apologize for my behavior" he mutters and I smile.

"Well, apology accepted, I get a vase, do you want something to drink?"

"Yes, a white wine if you have."

"Sure" I quickly go to the kitchen put the flowers in a vase and get two glasses of white wine.

"Thank you" Christian says as I hand him the wine and takes a sip. "I didn't mean to scare you earlier, Anastasia. I have ... anger issues. When ever I feel like I am not in control I get very angry. What I usually do in situations like that is to take my sub into the playroom and have her completely surrender to me. I couldn't do that with you and it only fueled my anger. I want our arrangement to work, so I have to earn your trust first and of course we have to work up to the scenes I have in mind with you. I needed you out of the apartment so I wouldn't be tempted to order you into the playroom anyway. I had my shrink come over, we talked and after that and a five miles run I felt the need to explain to you what happened."

I look at him... he sure has some demons and I am not sure what to think. The rational part of me tells me that I should end this now. But the other part of me doesn't want to. There is something about Christian that makes me feel safe, even though this seems ridiculous after his outburst.

"I would understand if you want to end the contract... but I would like it if you wouldn't do it. I want you Anastasia and I know we can make our arrangement work." he says and before I can even think about it I hear myself say "I don't want to end the contract, but ... what about your mother?"

"Well, I hate to lie to my mother, but since she believes you are my girlfriend I think it would be best to just play the part for my family, as long as our arrangement lasts." he says looking uncomfortable with that and I take a huge sip of wine.

"That bad, huh?" he says with a smirk, but if I am not mistaken he sounds a little hurt.

"No, just... I hate to lie and this is going to be complicated. We need to come up with a back story and..."

"Backstory?"

"Well, if someone asks us how we met our answers should be the same. Then there are other things we need to come up with, like our first date and things a couple should know about the other."

"Like what?"

"Birthday... things you hate, things you love... hobbies ... oh do you snore?"

"How would I know if I snore?" he asks and I giggle.

"I don't know, but I guess if so far no one has told you, we will just assume that you don't snore."

"Do you snore?"He chuckles.

"No, but I talk in my sleep."

"What?"

"I talk in my sleep."

"How do you know that you do that?"

"Several people told me."

He raises one brow and looks pissed. "Excuse me if I am wrong, but I assumed other than your ex and now me there was no one with whom you were intimate."

"There wasn't, but I had sleepovers with my girl friends and as a small child I would some times have nightmares and sleep in my parents bed. Oh, and since I want to be honest, I did have sex with a woman once." I murmur a little embarrassed and his eyes nearly pop out of his head.

"You are bi-sexual?"

"No, I was just curious and I live by the philosophy that you can't say you don't like something until you have tried it. It was good, but I never felt the need to repeat it. Have you ever tried something with a man?"

"What? No! I am not gay!" he looks appalled and I laugh. "Sorry, but for someone who takes part in a lifestyle like BDSM I thought you would be open to try new things."

"I am, if it includes a woman. Anyway, I think it is best if we both compile a list with things about us the other should know."

"Okay, so what was your mother talking about earlier when you told her we would be there?"

"The charity event, you know... the one you told your mom you couldn't attend."

"Oh... okay, well I will just tell my mom that I have changed my mind."

"Are you going to tell your parents?"

"Tell my parents what?" I ask confused.

"That I am your... boyfriend" he says and I pale.

"Not if I can avoid it." I mutter and he gets to his feet.

"I see, well then it will be best if I leave now." he says clipped and I am not sure if he is hurt or pissed.

"Christian wait... I am not ashamed of you or anything like that. I just don't want to make this anymore complicated than it already is and if I tell my parents that I have a new boyfriend they will expect us to come to Chicago so they can meet you. My dad... he is like the biggest control freak ever when it comes to me and he will grill you. So if you want me to, I can tell them, but be prepared to make time in your schedule, because my Dad will demand to meet you ASAP."

"I understand, I guess you are right, it would only make things complicated... we will talk about this if your parents should find out about us. So, do you still want to cook for me tonight?"  
"Sure, though I have to cook something else, the meal I wanted to make takes three to four hours to cook and it's already 7 pm, so how about we stay here and I cook a stir fry for us?" I ask, though secretly I also want to stay here, because after his outburst I don't want to go back to the penthouse and give him a chance to drag me into the playroom.

"Works for me" he says and follows me into the kitchen. "Can I help you, Anastasia?"

"No, just sit and enjoy your wine." I give him a smile and he sits down at the breakfast bar.

"Do you enjoy to cook?"

"Yes, it's relaxing and I enjoy trying new recipes. I took some cooking classes while I was in college and the rest I learned from my Mom, my Grams and my Nana. Do you cook?"

"No, my kitchen skills only go so far as to the knowledge of how to heat things in the microwave." he says a little embarrassed.

"Maybe I could teach you some things." I grin and he chuckles.

"Believe me, Miss Steele, you wouldn't want me to ruin your kitchen or mine for that matter."

"Fair point well made, Mr. Grey. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did you become a Dominant?"

"There are clubs where one can train"

"No, I mean when did you start and how did you know that this is what you like?"

He looks like he is miles away revisiting memories he doesn't like at all. "I was fifteen and a friend of my mothers introduced me to the lifestyle. She wanted me to become her submissive. I... was out of control at the time, desperate to fit in and she promised me that she could help me to get there. Anyway, after a month of her beating the shit out of me I was at her home ready to go into the playroom and suddenly Faith came in." he finishes his wine in one large gulp and I refill it for him.

"Thanks... where was I? Oh yes, Faith walked in and fuck me, she saw me knew right away what was going on and beat the shit out of Elena. They had been best friends for years, but the one thing Faith would never tolerate is to bring minors into the lifestyle. She gave me two minutes to get dressed and leave with her. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, hell, Faith was so mad she scared the crap out of me, so I followed her and she took me to her apartment. She managed what none of those asshole shrinks I was seeing at the time managed to do, she got me to open up. And by the end of the night she told me that I am not a submissive, she told me that if anything I would be a dominant one day."

He smiles at the memory and I have no idea what to say, he was lured into the lifestyle at 15? Christ, that is so fucked up.

"Faith also told me that I was too young to make that decision. She told me to go through highschool and college, try the girlfriend thing and if it wasn't for me and I was still drawn to the lifestyle I could come to the Black Satin and she would help me train to become a Dom. Let's just say highschool and college was a miserable time for me. I was trying to fit in, but I didn't. I went on a couple of dates, but ... it didn't go well. I have issues about touching and those girls were all over me. So, I went back to the club at nearly 20. Faith still thought I was too young, but I convinced her that I knew what I was getting myself into, so she caved in and I became a Dom."

"What do you mean, you have issues about touching?"

"That's a story for another time, now it's my turn to ask you questions, Miss Steele." he tries to sound at ease, but I can tell he does not want to touch that topic.

"Okay, what do you want to know."

"Why exactly did you decide to leave Chicago, I mean, I know that you left because of your ex, but you could have just avoided him."

"It was not just him. It was the media and all the awkwardness. As you know my father is very successful and the media always talked about me like I was Chicago's princess. I ignored them mostly and tried to live a normal life. I didn't mind the paparazzi occasionally taking a picture of me, but they became so intense after my break-up with Peter that my Dad had to hire security for me. I saw my picture on the news every day, I couldn't leave my apartment without them hunting me and all those lies in the news it was just too much. And then my friends... Peter and I grew up together, so we always had the same friends and now it was awkward for them... you know should they invite both of us for dinners and parties or only one... what would happen if I would see him with my former best friend and all of those things. In the end I just had enough, I just wanted to be me again and not Anastasia Steele, the girl who got cheated on by her fiancé and best friend. So, I decided to move to Seattle, I love the town, my grandparents used to live not far from here so I know the area."

"Don't you miss your family and going out with friends?"

"I Skype with my parents or talk to them on the phone every day at least once and as for going out with friends... I was never that kind of girl. I mean sure I went to parties in college or went to clubs some times, but I am the most happy if I can stay at home, cook a nice meal and spent the evening on the sofa with a good glass of wine reading a book or watching a movie. It may sound boring, but I saw to many of my friends from highschool and college losing focus on the important things like getting a good degree and building a career by partying their life away."

While I am talking I continue to cut the veggies and put them in the pan. Christian nods in agreement of what I just told him and then frowns. "You know, I just realised I am your rebound guy" he smirks and I laugh.

"I don't believe in such things, maybe some women need a rebound guy after a break up, but I don't need it. It's like some women who cut their hair after a break up, I wouldn't do that... but then again maybe moving to Seattle was my thing to do to cope with the break up."

He clears his throat and seems worried to ask the next question, but does it anyway. "Do you still love him?"

"No, the more I think about it the more I realise that Peter was just a safe choice for me. I knew him all my life, I knew all of his flaws and good sides, there was nothing unexpected. Boring in a way, but safe. Though to be honest I only now realise that he was and still is a selfish ass. I was always the one to make sacrifices so our relationship would work and I would have continued to do so, if he hadn't cheated on me. I was constantly worried what I would do without him and the sad truth is I am way better off without him."

While we are having dinner we come up with a story about how we met and where we went for our first date, so our stories match if someone asks us. After dinner we sit together with a glass of wine until he gets up.

"I have to leave now. I'll see you on friday, I can't wait to get you into the playroom."

"You can fuck me now if you want to" I smirk and he raises one brow at him.

"Miss Steele, I am shocked that you would talk so bluntly. But, as tempting as this offer is, I have a lot of work to finish tonight and an early breakfast meeting tomorrow, so I need to go."

Shit, I was so hoping he would fuck me tonight, well I guess my vibrator it is for tonight, I think to myself as I walk him to the door.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips. "Friday, and do not touch yourself I will know if you do and spank you for it" he whispers into my ear and with that he is gone, leaving me hot and bothered. _Shit, how am I going to wait until friday without touching myself?  
_


End file.
